The bluebird... they say that those who see one will find true happiness. But what is it about the bluebird that makes those who see it feel such joy? And where can one find one? It just so happens that I know the answer, at least to the latter...
You see bluebirds can often be found in the most unlikely of places, and quite often, they are much closer than you think. I have a family of about four bluebirds that live outside our house, in our backyard. We have some beautiful trees back there, where they have quite happily built a nest. There is plenty of food in the local area for them, so it is a fortutitious arrangement -both for the bluebirds and for us.
My children love to see the bluebirds. I often tell them the stories of bluebirds bringing happiness, and in my opinion, having them right outside our home, only proves all the old wives tales to be true. I don't know how any person that is ever lucky enough to see a bluebird could not experience true joy in their heart.
Just looking at them brings a smile, and you feel the happiness building up inside. It's impossible to not realize that Spring is finally here, if there is a bluebird outside my window. They, along with the daffodils are the true harbingers of the season.
I wish that I could catch one of those that live near us on film, and perhaps one day I will, but until then,this picture will have to do. I am wishing all of you, my friends, all the joy that the bluebird brings.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money. ~Cree Indian Proverb
I actually don't like the term "global warming" and prefer Climate Change - but that is just semantics. I was surprised at how many still want to debate that something in our world is happening. " We don't know what temperature the Earth should be"...... " Scientists can't agree on whether Global warming is happening"..... " It isn't our fault..."
The fact of the matter is - SOMETHING IS HAPPENING. Weird weather patterns, strong storm development, strange sudden deaths of different species - we can put our head in the sand all we want, but something is happening. Let me ask you, when you have a personal problem in your life, do you ignore it until it goes away? Probably not, because like all problems, ignoring it won't fix it, but only make it bigger. The principal is the same here. Ignoring that climate change is happening - putting our head in the sand and yelling, "It's not our fault!" - these are just delaying tactics that are not only counter-factual but detrimental to dealing with the problem as well.
Let's review the things that we know - from just looking in the papers everyday - are happening.
* Throughout the world we are having heat waves and periods of unusually warm weather. For those of you about to say that we have cold weather too, that's right. Global climate change will affect weather patterns, so in addition to the warming, we also have droughts and fires, ( anyone see the huge fire that was burning in GA just recently?) and also heavy rain and snowfalls.....
* water temperatures are on the rise and so are water levels and the occurances of tidal flooding
*the glaciers are melting and both the Artic and the Antartic are warming
*In fact, Climate change is happening so rapidly it is making it difficult for species to adapt to the change and some are even in danger of extinction. ( Here's a link: Global Warming Killing Some Species )
Now, ,I know that some of you will say that I am a naysayer - a speaker of doom and even worse - an "Al Gore minion". None of these things are true. I am about facing problems and dealing with them. This is who I am. This isn't some little problem that we are talking about - this is our planet people - our home. Is it ok to live with our heads in the sand and leave our children and our children's children a dying world? I don't think so! I love my planet - it's a beautiful place and it is home to so many wonderful creatures. Does it matter to you if the polar bear - or other species- become extinct because we failed to stretch forth a saving hand while there was time? It matters to me! I don't want the only place my children can see a polar bear - a whale -a penguin - a tiger - and others ... to be in a zoo. Do you? And it isn't just the animals.... crops are dying too. Do I have your attention yet?
We weren't given this planet to be it's owners, but rather it's stewards. We were sent here to care for our planet and all it's creatures, not just to look after ourselves. Little changes can make a huge difference to the health of our planet.
1. Reduce, reuse, recycle....
2. Use less heat and air conditioning...
3.Change your lightbulbs to energy efficient ones....
4. Plan your errands - drive smart and drive less....
5.buy energy efficient products - like hybrids, and avoid products that come with excessive packaging, especially formed plastics.
6.use less hot water
7. Turn your lights, computers and appliances off when they are not in use.
8.plant a tree
9. have your house tested to see how energy efficient it is....most utility companies will do this for free.
10. Encourage others to conserve.
Today I am doing 7 out of 10 of the above mentioned things. I am working on improving that. What about you? Will you be a steward with me and protect our beautiful planet for our children, or will you continue to keep your head in the sand? The decision is yours.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
It turns out that my husband really does occassionally read my blog here, though he never leaves a comment. What's up with that? When he first told me that he had read my blog the other day, I was a little concerned. After all, I have said some less than flattering things about his mother, and at first, I felt bad. Here's the reality though, this is MY blog. I write it with the assumption that perhaps no one will read it. Why do I write it then?
I write to process. I write for me, because that's what people who write do. I write because I have to. I write to help me clear the cobwebbs from my brain. I write to be honest with myself and the way that I think and perceive the world. If I can't share my honest feelings here, to myself and any who may be reading, then where can I be honest?
I told him that if I were him, I wouldn't make a habit of reading, because he may not always like what he hears. That's life. I have good days, and bad days. I feel lucky that my good days far outnumber the bad. However, on those days, I need this outlet most of all. If I'm not being honest, then this all really is a pointless endevour. So I struggle on, regardless of who is reading and what they may think about it.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I wish that I could go back to that Good Friday so long ago, and make my Dad eat his words. My Grandmother wasn't sick. My Grandmother didn't have Cancer and she wasn't dying.
I wish I could go back to that Easter, and keep him from telling me that my Grandmother passed in the night.
I wish that I could stop drawing the horse picture in my mind - the one that I spent hours working on to make my Grandmother feel better. It was returned to me, unopened. She never got it.
I wish I could go back and say goodbye. I never had the chance to. Sometimes I dream about her, and she's alive and wondering where I have been all these years. That's the hardest thing.
Ever since that day 28 years ago, Easter has never been the same. My life hasn't been the same. My Grandmother was my best friend. Before she died, I lived a charmed life, I didn't think that anything bad could ever happen to me. Then.... devastation.
I miss her every single day and I always think about how different my life would have been had she lived. I wish she could have met her great - granddaughters - each one of them have so much of her. My oldest has her eyes - my youngest shares her ( ok - OUR) quick temper and a name. I know that she would have doted on them.
It makes me so happy watching my mom with my children because it is almost like a brief window to the past. I'm a little girl again, that awful Easter has never happened - and there's my Grandmother. I am so glad that my children love my mom the same way that I loved my Grandmother.
Things I will Always be grateful for:
1. Her quick smile
2. Her flambouyant style.
3. All the card games she taught me.
4. Those days at the beach.
5. Her stories about the lizards and swimming with a full stomache.
6. The way she doted on my grandfather, but got angry with him sometimes too. She would let him get so far and then she would say, "Oh BULLSHIT John!"
7. I remember the way she used to talk in her sleep, some of my funniest memories are about that.
8. Whenever we went to visit, she would make us chips and dip. My sisters and I called it dippy cheese. I can remember the little egg shaped dishes she always put it in.
9. I can remember the way she smelled - Wind Song or Chanel No.5.
10. I will always be grateful for every second of every day that I had with my Grandmother. I miss her still. I miss her always.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
72 hours and 30 minutes from right now and counting.... No, I'm not looking forward to Tuesday at all. Can you smell the sarcasm? I am so beyond ready for this to be OVER and just to publicly reiterate my promise to myself- I am never going to be commplicite in torturing myself ever again.
What exactly does that mean? Well, for starters, if MIL wants to visit she can make her own travel arrangements. I have only had to change this ticket 4 times. Yes, you heard that right. Secondly, if her son wants to pay for her ticket, that's fine, but I am never going to feel sorry for her and actually suggest it. Yeah, sign me up for three weeks of endless droning hell.
In fact, the least amount of association I have with my husband's family, the better. I am more and more convinced every day that he is the ONLY sane member, and all the rest are certifiable. Scary.
Tuesday is going to be a BEAUTIFUL day!
Posted by snowflake at 8:17 AM
Friday, March 21, 2008
I had someone ask me a question about Life Accessories. HUH?? I had no idea what she was talking about until she explained that Life Accessories are those little things in our every day lives that bring us joy. They don't have to be the huge gesture or item, just the simplest of things. I started to think about it, and I realize that there are so many ways and reasons to find joy EVERYDAY.
My mother is probably the happiest most joyful person that I know. She finds happiness every where she goes. In fact, her favorite mantra is, "Let's all get back to happy!" I love that and it's a saying that I want to start adopting more in my own life. I thought about it, and you know, I laugh more when I am with my mother than any other time and I wondered to myself why that was. Now I know the answer, because joy follows her everywhere she goes, and better yet - it's contagious!
If I really appreciated all the little accessories that I have in my life, my heart would be full of gratitude and joy! Think about it, it's difficult for a heart that is full of gratitude for even the smallest things to be unhappy. A grateful heart just has no room for that emotion because it's too full of love.
All of this brings me back to my life's accessories. Here are some of them:
My lilac and lemon Yankee candle - the smell of it brings me so much joy and reminds me that soon, my own Lilacs will be blooming!
Silence - I love the quiet. I love to be alone with my own thoughts, to do as I please - to simply enjoy life.
Good music - as I have been told on many occasions, I have extremely eclectic tastes. Still, a song or CD can alter my mood and uplift me faster than just about anything besides my children.
My pictures - looking at the memories that my family has built over the past 9 years makes me happy and makes me long for the memories that I know the future will bring.
A hot bubble bath - remember the advertisement "Calgon, take me away!" They were really on to something! A hot soak truly can transport you to a better place.
My garden - helping God bring beauty into this world is right up there with giving birth. It's the same concept but this time, my children are flowers.
Vanilla and jasmine scented shampoo- now that my hair is longer, I love being able to smell it. The scent wafts over me at unexpected times and makes me happy!
These are just a few of the little things that I experience every day that make me happy. What are YOUR life accessories?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Almost, anyway... Tomorrow is the first official day of Spring! I have been so longing for it, as I do every year. The season of spring makes me feel renewed and full of hope. I can't really complain this year, we had a glorious winter here in Connecticut. I think we only had three snowfalls - just enough for the children to sled ride and make snowmen! For the most part though, it was a very mild winter.
Still, this morning as I type this, I can hear that robins and the bluebirds outside singing to one another. I love waking up to bird song, it makes me feel so happy! Is there anything more delightful than the warm spring sun on your face and brilliant blue skies above? I don't think so.
I have many friends throughout the country - some in southern climes where the weather is warm all the time. They really don't have four seasons, in some cases they have three or only two. As for me, I know I may be in the minority, but I enjoy the winter. You see, without the cold of the winter, can a heart really enjoy the full effect of the effervescent spring? I don't think so!
It seems strange to me somehow that my favorite months are Spring and Fall. It almost seems odd to embrace both the birth and middle age of things... but that's just me. I would be hard pressed to choose which of these two beautiful seasons are my favorite, but today, on tne cusp of the new season, I would have to say SPRING!
And Spring arose on the garden fair,
Like the Spirit of Love felt everywhere;
And each flower and herb on Earth's dark breast
rose from the dreams of its wintry rest.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley, "The Sensitive Plant"
Here are 10 things that I am looking forward to this Spring:
1. My tulips and daffodils coming into bloom.
2. Watching the Lilac bushes that I planted last year bud.
3. Waking to bird song everyday.
4. Seeing the bluebirds and Cardinals from my window.
5. Watching the trees wake up after a long winter sleep.
6. Seeing all the trees "blossom".
7. The temperate sunny days ahead.
8. Digging in the garden with my girls.
9. Watching the garden come to life and seeing "what's new" every morning on my way to the bus stop with Sporty.
10. Seeing the Earth laugh in flowers.
Isn't Spring wonderful? What are you looking forward to?
Monday, March 17, 2008
Happy St. Patrick's day everyone! Hope your day is full of luck and love!!
When Irish eyes are smiling,
'Tis like a morn in spring.
With a lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing.
Posted by snowflake at 2:02 PM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
This is from my friend Jennifer. Most of my friends read my blog and are bloggers themselves, so I thought this is faster sometimes than doing it via e-mail. Jen, hope you don't mind!
WELCOME TO THE 2008 EDITION OF GETTING TO KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IS COPY (NOT FORWARD) THIS ENTIRE E-MAIL
AND PASTE IT ONTO A NEW E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL SEND.
CHANGE ALL THE ANSWERS SO THEY APPLY TO YOU, AND THEN SEND THIS TO YOUR
FRIENDS, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.
THE THEORY IS THAT YOU WILL LEARN A LOT OF LITTLE THINGS ABOUT YOUR
FRIENDS THAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE KNOWN!!!!
1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 6 am
2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? diamonds
3. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
I know you aren't going to believe this, but it was actually the latest Rambo. What can I say?
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? Anyone that reads this blog already knows the answer - I'm a Heroes fanatic!!! :)
5. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? don't usually do breakfast, if I bother, it's yogurt with fruit.
6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Lee
7. WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? lima beans, I refuse to eat them. Jen, how can you possibly hate mushrooms? They are the food of the gods! So yummy on steak!
8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD? Blue Rodeo greatest hits version one
9. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? Hyundai Santa Fe - I LOVE it!
10. FAVORITE SANDWICH? Rueben
11. WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE THE MOST? Ignorance for it's own sake
12. FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? jeans
13. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? It may sound lame, but I love English history, so I would really love to go to London
14. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? Coral, celadon and lipstick pink with frogs. ( The last one is my daughters, but actually really cute. I love frogs!)
15. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? Don't shop by brand, I go with what I like
16. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO? Annapolis or BUST! Just get me back to Annapolis...
17. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? College football, it's all about the purity of the game baby!
18. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS? Hello? It's the Internet! Anythings possible!
19. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? don't know
20. PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND IT BACK FIRST: not sure
21. FAVORITE SAYING: Variety is the spice of life
22. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? Sept. 29
23. ARE YOU A MORNING OR NIGHT PERSON? Morning!
24. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? 7 1/2
25. PETS? Speckles, Minnie and Quest - all fish. But we are getting a puppy this summer!
26. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH US? I lost 7 pounds and counting! I lost one whole size and I'm not stopping there.
27. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? A jockey.
28. WHAT ARE YOU TODAY? Busy
29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Trying not to eat candy
30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? sunflower
31. WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? March 25 - departure day! So long MIL!
32. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Laurie Lee (Beadling) Schultz
33. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? MIL's inccesant chatter. Ugh.
34. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Yummy - dinner. Cheese, nuts, broiled tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, kilbosa and broccoli.
35. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yes!
36. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Celadon
37. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? nice for spring in Connecticut
38. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Sprite, when I drink it.
39. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? Olive Garden. Love, love, love that place!
40. SIBLINGS? 2 older sisters
41. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? You mean I have to pick just one? I guess March 11th. My anniversary, in spite of it being less than stellar this year....
42. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? My stuffed horse, Wally. I still have him.
43. SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall…
44. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses!
45. COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee!! I NEED my coffee!!!!
46. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate
47. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO E-MAIL YOU BACK? of course
48. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? March 11th.
49. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? Books. They're everywhere!
50. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Stevie, we've been bests since I was three!
51. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Watched an episode of the Tudors and then had some quality time with hubby! :)
52. FAVORITE SMELL? Lilacs
53 WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Spiders, heights and being alone
54. SALTY OR SWEET? Depends on my mood, usually both together
55. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR RING? 3
56. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Saturday. It's family day
57. DO YOU PREFER GOLD OR SILVER? No preference
58. HOW MANY TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED IN? Towns? Oh God, I was at 8 with STATES!!! Towns is 16. Ugh.
59. DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY? No, but once you’re a friend you’re a friend for life
60. HOW MANY WILL RESPOND? no clue!!!! but what the heck, it was fun
Respond and let me know that you are doing it so that I can come and read your answers!
So you all remember "THE INCIDENT" from the other day - the huge blow up that my MIL and I had over the dream catcher accusation. I know, maybe initially it seemed like such a small thing. Had she just once said, "You're right, I should have immediately come to you..." the whole situation would have diffused. But of course, that isn't what happened.
After "THE INCIDENT", my husband and I sat down with my MIL to see if anything at all could rectify the terrible situation. After an hour of yelling, Robbie finally hashed things out with his mother, but that still hadn't left me feeling any better about the situation. He came into our room, looked at me with those eyes of his and asked me if there was any way that I could forgive his mother. I knew that for him and for our daughter, I could and I would.
I went in to talk to her, with him present. I specifically asked that the "INCIDENT" never be mentioned to our daughter again - not a mention, not an I'm sorry, not anything.... unless Robbie or I were present. I asked her if she understood and I told her that this was imperative.
THAT SAME DAY, while I was home, she took my daughter aside and mentioned it!!! Sporty just looked at her and said, "I'm not allowed to talk about this without my mommy or daddy being here." Thankfully that ended it. However, here's the thing... nothing, not a single word that woman says can be trusted or believed.
What is the definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I've been the one who is insane. I've been the one who continues to think that somehow things will magically change, instead of understanding and accepting things for how they are.
I can't make my husband chose between his mother and myself - no matter how much I would like him to, that wouldn't be right or fair of me.
By the same token, that woman has proven over and over again that she can neither be believed or trusted. Going forward, she will never be left alone with my children. How sad is that, that I don't feel safe leaving my children alone with their grandmother? Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
Further, I am the one who makes all the arrangements, pays for the plane tickets, and propels all this to happen. Why? Because I understand her need to see her son. I can't imagine going a year without my child - no matter how old they are. Still, I won't make that mistake again. Any arrangements, planning, tickets, etc... from now until forever, will have to be done by someone other than me. The time for insanity has past and I am moving on.
I have given my MIL too much power. I have allowed her to make me feel a certain way, upset me to the point of being sick, and she has reeked havoc on my marriage. No more. She will never have that power again. I decide how to react to her, and I will empower myself, not turn the power over to others.
You know what? I am going to survive the next nine days. I am going to love my children and my husband. And most of all, I am going to hope to never have to go through this again. If I do, it won't be my own doing, that's for certain.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Honestly, I do sometimes. I'm not sure why I feel that way, and rationally I realize that no one but me makes me feel it. Still, sometimes I think that I could disappear and no one would notice until there was no one to feed the children or take care of the mountain of laundry. Have you ever felt like that? Mainly irrelevant? Let me tell you, it sucks.
I have been reading this wonderful book called "I Promise". It's all about how we don't have the power to change other people, only ourselves. I have been trying to employ some of the ideas to my own life and, at least with my husband, on good days, I can really see a difference. The thing is, I don't think that the principals can be applied to the most problematic relationship in my life right now - my mother in law. The changes that I make do not bring about reciprocal changes, and maybe that's not the point of changing my own behavior anyway. Right now, I am really confused and I don't like feeling out of balance.
I really hate feeling like a stranger in my own home, or worse, like I said, the Invisible Woman. Still, no one knows the way I feel - only you. No one sees the sadness that I carry inside most of the time. Maybe I have just gotten really good at putting on a happy face. Or worse, maybe they just don't care.
I know that these negative thoughts aren't healthy for me, so I am trying to be healthier by getting them out here. Later I am off to a birthday party with Posh, so that should be fun and maybe it will make today look so much better. Hopefully a change of environment will allow me to reflect on all these things in my heart.
Toward that end, here are some things that I am thankful for today:
1. Rainy days - great for napping.
2. A good book. It is wonderful to read something that uplifts the human condition and reveals some greater truth. Sometimes it's wonderful just to read for the FUN of it!
3. Chocolate fondue - don't worry, I didn't break the bank on the diet, I had some fondue with fruit last night for dessert and then this morning, I worked out an extra day - twice as hard.
4. This blog - cause the ability to get this all out, in a venue that I feel is safe... well, that's just priceless.
5. Birthday parties - because getting out of this house without a caravan lately is ALWAYS a good thing.
6. My husband is helping with his mother -hopefully he can shuttle her to the pharmacy today so that I don't get stuck with that never ending responsibility.
7. My mom is coming to visit in two weeks.
8. My step dad is also coming for Sporty's birthday, so I am really looking forward to that.
9. My flowers are starting to bloom.
10. I love the peace that I find digging in my garden. Especially when I am the ONLY one with the clippers. I hate when someone else who doesn't know or understand my flowers wants to clip them. It's like having a stranger or worse someone you know but aren't really sure you like give you a bikini wax. Gross, I know but the analogy remains.
Hope everyone that may be reading this has a wonderful weekend with many things to be thankful for. Remember, Monday is St. Patricks Day!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Trying to keep a positive attitude.... trying to keep a positive attitude. I have one week down and two more to go. Maybe we will all actually survive that, although I can not say that with any certitude.
Sometimes things happen that put all the petty shit we are dealing with into real perspective. My friend, Kate, called me tonight - from the hospital. Kate is really sick - she has aplastic anemia, which is like the adult form of leukemia. Not good. She is a widow and all her 14 year old son has in this world. The doctors think that she may have viral pneumonia. She is a blogger and, of course, her blog is listed among my friends - Jonathan's Closet. If you haven't ever read her blog, it truly is a must. She and her son often blog together - alternating entries. Jona is amazing! So for those that pray please send prayers and positive thoughts to my good friend Kate, for a speedy recovery. Thanks!
Somehow listening to Kate and all she has been dealing with, put my demented MIL in perspective. My husband came home at lunch today and gave his mother a much needed attitude adjustment. She has apologized and I have accepted her apology, but I will never forget what happened and I will never leave my children alone in her care ever again. I don't know if our relationship can ever be the same - not that it was ever all that good. It's a lot to think about.
Finding ten things today is going to be a challenge, but it is something that I think, especially on days like today, NEEDS to be done.
1. I am thankful for all my wonderful friends - online and IRL. I love you all and appreciate all your support more than you all will ever know.
2. Earplugs. I am going to start using them - extensively!
3. Lilacs in bloom, or the wonderful Yankee candle.
4. Speaking of Yankee Candles - aromatherapy is a wonderful thing!
5. The taste of fresh, cold water after a good workout.
6. Butterfly kisses and every other kind from my daughters.
7. I'm thankful for Sporty's resilience - in spite of her Grandmother's insanity and keeping her up until after 11 pm last night with her deranged antics, she seems amazingly unfazed.
8. I am thankful for my car - right now the urge to just get in it and drive and drive and drive until I run out of gas is almost overwhelming.
9. I am thankful that I am getting OUT of the house and away from the insanity for almost all day on Saturday and all day on Sunday. There is a GOD!
10. Speaking of God, I am so thankful for all the wonderful gifts He has given me, even if it doesn't always seem like it. I love the quiet sense of peace that just flows over me when I am at Church. Maybe I will stop by there after Curves tomorrow. Maybe that will help me find some peace. Somewhere.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
SO after reading yesterdays blog you all know that yesterday was my 9th Anniversary. Sounds like a fairly auspicious occasion, right? Well, apparently not. Don't get me wrong, my husband did bring me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, the most delicate shade of pink and best of all - fragrant! ( You know how some of them have lost their scent...) Sadly though, that is where the romance began and ended. Ugh.
I went and had my hair done to prepare for going out. I'm talking - highlights, cut, the whole 9. I had rock star hair yesterday. Do you think he noticed? Well, if he did, he didn't mention it. We went to dinner. It was very nice, one of my favorite places too - the Japanese steakhouse. ( So it was sweet of him to take me there...) The thing is though that people that I don't know attempting to catch chopped up zucchini in their mouths somehow just doesn't say romance.
Then... the kicker. We get home and even though I'm having my period ( TMI I know, sorry guys...) some quality time would be nice. Instead, he played on his computer for an hour and then fell asleep while I was talking to him. We didn't even sleep in the same bed. Talk about a let done of monumental proportions. I guess that is what I get for building it up so much in my head.
To make matters worse, if that's possible, I am still dealing with my MIL. You all will NEVER believe the latest! She was putting Sporty to bed last night when she noticed that Sporty has a dream catcher on her spotlight. Jen, you probably remember seeing this dream catcher - Sporty has had it for months and months. My MIL apparently had a similar one on her key chain that she lost. She lost. I just had to reiterate that. She then asked Sporty if she had seen Noni's dream catcher. Asked Sporty to "tell her the truth..."
Together, she, (MIL) and Sporty, decided that since it was our anniversary that they would not discuss this with my husband and myself last night but instead wait for tomorrow to talk to us. Still, when the opportunity arose the very next morning - today - to ask me about whether Sporty had a dream catcher or not, my MIL in her infinite wisdom, failed to mention it. In fact, she didn't mention it until 6 pm this evening after I had just found a water leak and I was on my way to a boat meeting that I was already late for. Ugh. I told her that I couldn't talk about it right then, but that I would talk with her about it when I got home.
When I came home, she was in her room watching tv. So, I called my dad. When I got off the phone, MIL came downstairs to make a cup of tea. I asked her if she wanted to sit down and tell me what was going on with the dream catcher. She did. She sat down and gave me a twenty minute rigmarole. Then, I wanted to take the opportunity to respond and I asked her not to int erupt. I told her that Sporty did indeed have a dream catcher, that I had purchased it at the local church craft fair some months back. I told her that my daughter would never move her purse ( which MIL insinuated), that Sporty would never go into her purse and remove her keys from the dream catcher. It was also suggested that some money was missing... so I told her that my daughter was not a thief ( which she suggested albeit inadvertently) that my daughter was not a liar - which she outright suggested by demanding that Sporty "tell the truth."
She outright lied to my husband about what happened between she and I - things go so bad that I actually had to call him at work. Worse yet, I think she is so cracked mentally that she doesn't even realize that her version of reality isn't the truth. It has become crystal clear that my children can not, under any circumstances, be left alone with her. She just isn't safe. Actually, my husband is working tonight and I am sort of afraid to be alone in the house with her, to be honest.
How does something so FUBAR always happen everytime this woman is here?? I just don't know. So, what do you think? Would you have been upset if this happened to you?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I woke up slowly, and as my eyes fluttered open, I could feel gentle rays of sunshine streaming on my face. As I become conscious, I could feel my baby moving inside me, greeting the dawn with me. I had such a sense of peace and contentment. As I stretched, I turned and reached for the man beside me. He was so handsome just laying there still asleep. He looked so peaceful. I remember his smile as he greeted me - warmer than the sun.
We spent the day together - contrary to popular opinion that the bride and groom should not see one another until the ceremony. That wasn't until 6 pm that night, and we didn't' want to be apart that long. At least, I know I didn't.
We had to pick up the flowers and the cake, we basically did the wedding ourselves. We got married at his sisters house - in her gazebo. It really was lovely. My mother in law handled the decor - sunflowers ( at my request) ribbon, etc.... My dress was white - but very free flowing and gypsy like. ( At 8 months along, it sort of had to be!)
I don't think I will ever forget walking down the stairs with my step-dad. I was so nervous. Then, I looked up, and I saw him standing there waiting for me and I knew, I just KNEW, that no matter what, everything was going to be alright. I'll never forget looking into those gorgeous eyes of his as I said my vows, and quietly listening as he said his. I felt the weight of the wedding band as he slipped it on my finger. When he kissed me, I knew it was going to be forever.
So, from now until eternity, March 11th will forever be the happiest day of my life. It is the day upon which, every other moment of happiness in my adult life depends. Without my husband, I wouldn't' have my beautiful daughters, this life we have worked so hard to build together. None of it would be possible.
So, true to my commitment - here are 10 things that I am thankful for today:
1. My husband's slow, sweet smile.
2. My husband's beautiful eyes that you can just drown in.
3. His sweet, gentle and generous manner.
4. I'm thankful for my lucky stars that were shining on the day that he said he loved me.
5. I'm thankful for our beautiful children.
6. I'm thankful for our wonderful home.
7. I thankful for the life that we have worked so hard to build - together.
8. I'm thankful for the way he makes me feel - still giddy after all these years - he can still make me blush with just a look.
9. I'm thankful that I have a partner that I can depend on and who believes in me.
10. I' m so thankful for the 9 years we have had together and I am thankful for the hope of many more.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
I've been reading this wonderful book called "Attitude of Gratitude" and it is making such a difference in my outlook on life. I think that being a grateful person and truly appreciating the things that I have - or being aware of trying to be grateful - is helping me to be a happier person. Gratitude and happiness are something that I really need in my life right now.
In the book, there is a challenge for everyone to write down ten things that they are grateful for everyday, and of course, the idea is to strive for different things, not simply to just repeat yourself everyday. I don't know if I can do it everyday, but at the end of every blog, I am going to try to remember to list 10 things that I am grateful that day. What about you? Are you up to the challenge?
Here are my ten things for today:
1. Super sized tampons. Yes, I know that this is a hell of a thing to be thankful for, but hey, when you need it, you need it.
2. Tylenol - for reason - see number one.
3. Lobster tails - we had some for dinner last night and it was yummy!
5. My roof - it's built really well and in spite of winds gusting all night long in excess of 80 mph, the roof is still on!
6.Quiet - I haven't had any in several days so lack of it has really made me appreciate the beauty of silence.
7. Curves - I love exercising and the way the endorphins make me feel.
8. Scrapbooking. I was working on mine last night - trying desperately to get caught up.
9. My husbands' arms around me so I won't be afraid when it sounds like the world is falling down around me.
10. Fresh fruit and yogurt - I had that for a snack last night instead of cake. I feel better about myself and I'm proud that I made a healthier choice.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
My mother in law arrived on Thursday. For those of you interested in helping out a friend, my girl Heather is taking up a collection to pay the bail money, should that become necessary.
Seriously though, so far, so good. I haven't had the urge to kill her yet, so that is always a good thing! In fact, the visit hasn't been too bad - but we are only on day 2 of 20! Ugh.
I picked her up from the airport on Thursday. I knew that I would get annoyed if I had to wait too long, so I arranged to be a little late. When I got there, she already had her suitcases and was ready to go. The worst part of the trip so far was the car ride home. That was one and a half hours of just pure one on one hell. She was busy telling me about the man she just met at the pet store and how she hasn't been laid in 10 years. Now the word prude could never be properly applied to me, but, that said, there are just some things that I don't EVER want to know about my mother in law. Her "get lucky" status would definitely be one of those things.
Robbie had duty last night and his mother and I got through that just fine. I kept reminding myself about how much I love him and FOR HIM, I can get through the next 20 days of his mother's visit. If I keep telling myself this positive mantra, perhaps I won't have to imbibed too much alcohol or dip into the stash of low dose medication the doctor gave me! I'm off to put some Bailey's in my coffee and start the day!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Today is it - my last day of freedom before my mother in law descends upon us. I keep reminding myself that it's only three weeks and that I get him for the rest of my life and she only has this three weeks at a time... still, I have to be honest, at least with myself, and admit that it doesn't really help.
For the next three weeks, it will take EVERY SINGLE OUNCE of love that I have in my heart for my husband, just to put up with his mother. Oh yes, she is a nice enough person. If it were just us, we would even be friends, but sadly she has turned us into rivals for his time, affection, etc.... and I am left with a battle that I never wanted. My days will be consumed with all the things that are wrong with my marriage, why my husband isn't happy, what I could be doing better, and how one single move is just so freaking traumatizing for my nephew when my daughters get to do it every 2 -3 years. Hello?? Talking to me about the stress a child feels over a move, is like bitching to a military wife about how much your husband works when you're a civilian and he comes home every night. I am sure that I will have the urge - at least once in the next three weeks - to happily rip her head off.
Robbie is already really depressed, so I already feel like the last lifeboat from the Titanic that is WAY too full as it is. I don't need her on top of it. I resent the fact that I have to share what little time I have with my husband with a woman who thinks that it's her right to be here, and she has absolutely zero understanding of the sacrifices that my children and I make.
Even worse, she isn't here to see my kids. She could really care less. She doesn't know who they are, and she probably never will. She's clueless. She's here for him - he's the main event. If he weren't here - she wouldn't be either. No matter what was going on with my kids. It just pisses me off.
I'll try not to drive you all as crazy as she is making me for the next three weeks, it's just that writing helps me cope. So sadly, you guys are probably going to hear a lot about it.
Positive thoughts and prayers are certainly welcome. I have a feeling that I am going to need them.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
My friend Nikki of Chaos in the Country, knowing that I LOVE doing meme's, tagged me for this one! Seriously, I really do love meme's, I think that they are fun and I always learn something, both about my friends and about myself.
In this meme, Who is Part of My Life, you choose a quote that speaks to your heart and dedicate it to three other bloggers. All of my friends who read this blog can choose to participate. If you do, leave a comment here so I can come and check out your quotes! As I already said, my blog here today is dedicated to Jen, Kate and Roe.
In the true nature of a Libra, I couldn't pick just one. That would have been WAY too easy! And, being the "funky ecclectic" that my friend Jen tells me I am, these quotes all speak about my life, but also to my friends. I hope you guys will enjoy reading them, and I look forward to reading yours! Please take a moment to really think about each one, because I think that each quote reverberates a greater truth, which is what makes them worth repeating in the first place.
" All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people can not be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain but it's truer said that complaining leads people to be unhappy."
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." James Oppenheim.
"Learn the richness of solitude and quiet. That "still small voice" is yearning to be heard. Susan Jeffers
“We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness."
If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling but the staying down." Mary Pickford
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction". Antione de Saint -Exqupery.
"Once you choose HOPE, anything's possible..." Christopher Reeve
And my favorites, by one of my favorite authors:
"We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, but to always battle on."
" The Time is coming Harry, when we all must choose between what is RIGHT and what is easy..." J. K. Rowling
As I said, each one of these quotes speak about areas of my life, and I hope that they will speak to each one of you.
Monday, March 3, 2008
" You COMPLETE me." You know the movie - Renee Zellwegger and Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire. Love her. Hate him. It's still an awesome line, and if you have ever felt that in your life, you already know how true this statement is.
Yesterday, my soul was once again complete. My husband sailed back into my life with that half cocked smile of his. He just has a way of making everything happy, the sun truly does shine brighter when he's here with me. I can lay down my head at night, and it now longer matters how the wind howls, I know nothing bad can happen as long as he's here with me. It's like his very presence is a bullet proof vest that I wear with such absolute faith and certainty.
Recently, my sister in law has gone through some very difficult and troubling things in her own marriage. I feel so deeply for her. I can't imagine what it is to wake up and never feel safe again. I can't imagine finding out that everything is just one big lie, and not knowing how I could ever get myself out of the web again.
I thank God every night and every day for my husband. He truly completes me. No, he isn't perfect, neither am I, but I think that maybe together... well, together, we come pretty close to perfect happiness. I never want to take that for granted.