All Dressed Up with No Place to Go...

It's 3:30 in the morning, or at least it was when I woke up. Sadly almost an hour has passed since then and I can't get back to sleep. Ugh. Tomorrow isn't going to be pretty - no matter how much coffee I inhale.
Still, I got my picture taken on the top of Mt. Fugi without ever leaving my bed tonight. How many other people can say that? After all the excitement, here I am, all dressed up in my red t-shirt with no place to go - not even back to bed.
I went to sleep with one of those "I'm way beyond exhausted" headaches and sadly, the three hours of sleep I have gotten so far haven't helped. Yuck.
Maybe I will get a nap tomorrow....Anyone have any good headache remedies? How about a loneliness tonic? Either would really help right now.
I've got my period again which just SUCKS. I mean, my husband isn't here so it doesn't really matter, but still.... I'm almost 38 years old and I've been dealing with this crap since I was 10. Isn't it time to call it a day? My last period - I was under so much stress that I essentially had it in one day. I got the shakes and had to sit down on the sofa for three hours just to deal with it. I know, that's way too much information - sorry.
Still, I just want you to understand why I would be totally ok with the doctor just ripping it out... I mean, my uterus has done more for me than I ever thought it would. I have two beautiful children and I could ask no more of it. Can't we just wrap up that phase in my life? I'm totally ok with it.
Do you ever feel like your life is one big list of things you "should" do? Things your slated or supposed to do? But not necessarily things you want to do? Well, that's my life right now. I spent 5 hours sweltering today at a garage sale - it definitely wasn't on the top of my "fun to do" list. Craziness I know.
Well, I guess I will slink back to bed in a vain attempt to go back to sleep. Wish me luck....

For My Dad

For My Daddy

Reaching for Transcendence

Have you ever heard of Maslow's theory of needs? According to Maslow, in order to achieve transcendence, which is real self actualiztion, all the lower needs must be met.





Looking at the pyramid, I realize that transcendence may be some time away for me. I have my basic needs met - I'm not hungry or thristy. We have a nice house. I feel secure - most of the time. But then, I hit the snag....the need for love, belonging... I have those things, but I don't feel it all the time.

Every time my husband leaves it's like taking two steps forward and one step back. It's a slow process. I don't know, maybe by going through this, I am growing and learning... on my way to being a more self aware human. But sometimes, like today, the journey is really painful.

Imagine finding out that your husband had safely arrived at some destination - from another human being. That's what happened today. Imagine working really hard to keep your smile on and not have it look too thin for your two daughters - because that is every day for me.
Imagine hanging on by what some days feels like a really thin thread...

According to Maslow's theory, each level of the basic human needs must be attained before reaching for the next level. Sometimes I feel like I will never get there. Then I think, well, maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm just like Holden Caulfield going through life with my hunting cap on. Maybe it really is all about the journey.

Deep down I know that there can be no light without the dark. There can be no joy without dispair, there can be no love without some loss and sacrifice. It just doesn't make days like today any easier. So, what am I going to do about it? Well - head out for a day of fun with the girls and cap it off with ice cream of course. There isn't much that ice cream can't fix...

Of course, i will have to chase that with two miles on the tread mile unless I want to gain five pounds on each thigh... but I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

Go Sell Crazy Someplace Else.... We're Full Up Here!

I'll tell you, it has just been one of those weeks. I have had no time for writing - or anything else for that matter. It's good and bad. I have been so inspired so many times throughout the week for a topic to write on and it just didn't happen.
I can't believe that today is Friday and another week has passed me by. I'm glad. I wish I could close my eyes and it could be Halloween, at least!
July has been the hardest month of the summer because the girls are home and there is little to break up the day to day monotony. The things that do occur that are out of the ordinary are usually not enjoyable. Still, I will say that it is satisfying to feel like I am helping people, and once in a while, I really do feel that. It's nice to have a purpose in addition to the most important purpose of my life - being a mom.
Tomorrow I am hoping for a stress free - low phone call day. I want to just go outside and spend the day with my kids without anyone needing me for anything. I want to just enjoy myself, my daughters and laugh. I'm tempted to turn the darn phone off, but I really can't do that.
One great thing happened this week - the silence is finally over! It was so wonderful to hear from my husband, even if the e-mails were written a while ago. I miss him like crazy so those e-mails are almost like hearing his voice. When I got those e-mails it was like a great big sigh of relief.... I hate all the stress and worry.

I did take my daughters berry picking this week. Fresh raspberries and blueberries! What could be better? The raspberries were sadly disappointing, but the blueberries.... absolutely divine! I love to pick them right off the vine and so do my girls.

Tomorrow I am going to back some blueberry muffins for them, that will be fun! I also got a kids cookbook and we are going to get into that tomorrow. I love to bake and even cook, when I have the time. I will enjoy teaching my daughters. I already like to bake cookies and cakes with them, but learning to cook is so much more important- a real life skill. I hope that we will create delicious meals while at the same time making happy memories. Here's hoping for no more insanity tomorrow. Just one day off...