Another Interesting Study... When We Say NO, They Hear Yes

So a communications professor just did some interesting ( and very unscientific) research at UC Davis. He canvased the campus asking over 1000 men and women what different phrases in their relationship meant to each of them. He spent a lot of time talking about what a man hears when a woman says no. Interestingly enough - the majority of those interviewed seemed to think that no meant - "get busy because I'm tired" or that no means " maybe, I just need a little convincing."

Some other interesting miscommunications between men and women?
She says, " I'm invovled with someone else." He hears, " I still want to hook up with you, just discreetly".
She says, " I just want to be friends". He hears, " I still want to have sex with you, just no committment."

Communication between the sexes is a minefield. I'd be the first one to admit that there is a lot going on between what a woman says and what she is also communicating on a unspoken level. That said though, my husband knows when I say, "I tired" it doesn't mean "Try harder" or "convince me" it means - "That isn't happening tonight. Period."

Why do we - women and men - read so much into what one another is saying that may or may not be there? Guys, for your own protection, if you are with a woman and she says no, assume she means NO. Any other thought on your part can lead to some very serious repurcussions. These types of studies just reflect how rare candor is in our society, especially in the dating pool.

For all you men out there, here's a translation of what a woman really means. Ladies, I think you will enjoy this too:
Nine Dangerous Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to 3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to 3.

Are men really from Mars? I dont' think so....

I know that we women often comment on how different men are from us. I know that men do this too. But are we really so different? Sometimes I think we are more alike than we even realize. I definitely don't think we are from different planets.
I think that women and men both have a lot of misconceptions about one another.

I realized this the other day when my husband told me that he was worried about some things in our future. You see, I always thought of him as being so self assured, so confident and collected. I really didn't realize that he worried over certain types of things - like our house, his job, time away from the family. I was so taken aback and I guess that I shouldn't have been. It made me feel so selfish because I get so caught up in my own cares and concerns that I often don't think of his. Actually, to be totally honest, outside of his job, I didn't really think he had any concerns.

I was talking with some friends today and we were talking about men. It was all in good fun, but many of these misconceptions came up. You know the generalizations that I am talking about because we have all have heard them. Men can't do laundry, they don't think things through, they don't plan for the future, they don't multi - task, etc..... Maybe my husband is an anomaly, but he does all of these things. Even the laundry, and yes, he even manages to not turn our underwear pink. ( It's a good thing since I am sure he would get ragged on no end about that on the submarine.)

I do think that there are some fundamental differences in the manner in which men and women communicate. For example, men like to "fix" things. They don't really understand our need to vent. Girlfriends really are better for venting. Trust me on this. Another thing, if you give a man ( or if you are a man reading this the opposite would be true for you) a task to do which they do not normally do, IE the laundry, you must give them explicit instructions, even things that you may think are obvious and take for granted that they know. Be specific. In my relationship it would be the same if my husband were telling me how to fix my computer. He would have to be explicit and take me step by step, otherwise something bad would be bound to happen.

Men don't have hidden meanings in the things they say the way that women do. Come on ladies, to be totally honest you know that we all have mastered the art of the backhanded compliment. How many times have you walked away from a conversation with another women - in my case especially my in-laws - where you find yourself saying, "what did she mean by that?" In my limited experience with men, they say what they mean. There is no hidden context. If there are any guys out there reading this, you can correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't like veal means I don't like veal not I dont' like the way you fix it, my mothers is much better.

I also think it is sad that men seem to be hardwired by society to hide their feelings, their cares and concerns from their loved ones. Maybe they are afraid of not being "manly". I think it is up to us to make them feel secure enough in our relationships that they can confide these things honestly and openly.

I just think that we get so caught up in our differences that we forget those things that bring us together, that make us the same. We all want to be happy, we all want our children to grow up to be healthy and safe, we all want to know love.... I guess we are all Earthlings after all.