Disappointed.... and %#%&*R%^$@!!!!N RIPPED!

SO after reading yesterdays blog you all know that yesterday was my 9th Anniversary. Sounds like a fairly auspicious occasion, right? Well, apparently not. Don't get me wrong, my husband did bring me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, the most delicate shade of pink and best of all - fragrant! ( You know how some of them have lost their scent...) Sadly though, that is where the romance began and ended. Ugh.

I went and had my hair done to prepare for going out. I'm talking - highlights, cut, the whole 9. I had rock star hair yesterday. Do you think he noticed? Well, if he did, he didn't mention it. We went to dinner. It was very nice, one of my favorite places too - the Japanese steakhouse. ( So it was sweet of him to take me there...) The thing is though that people that I don't know attempting to catch chopped up zucchini in their mouths somehow just doesn't say romance.

Then... the kicker. We get home and even though I'm having my period ( TMI I know, sorry guys...) some quality time would be nice. Instead, he played on his computer for an hour and then fell asleep while I was talking to him. We didn't even sleep in the same bed. Talk about a let done of monumental proportions. I guess that is what I get for building it up so much in my head.

To make matters worse, if that's possible, I am still dealing with my MIL. You all will NEVER believe the latest! She was putting Sporty to bed last night when she noticed that Sporty has a dream catcher on her spotlight. Jen, you probably remember seeing this dream catcher - Sporty has had it for months and months. My MIL apparently had a similar one on her key chain that she lost. She lost. I just had to reiterate that. She then asked Sporty if she had seen Noni's dream catcher. Asked Sporty to "tell her the truth..."

Together, she, (MIL) and Sporty, decided that since it was our anniversary that they would not discuss this with my husband and myself last night but instead wait for tomorrow to talk to us. Still, when the opportunity arose the very next morning - today - to ask me about whether Sporty had a dream catcher or not, my MIL in her infinite wisdom, failed to mention it. In fact, she didn't mention it until 6 pm this evening after I had just found a water leak and I was on my way to a boat meeting that I was already late for. Ugh. I told her that I couldn't talk about it right then, but that I would talk with her about it when I got home.

When I came home, she was in her room watching tv. So, I called my dad. When I got off the phone, MIL came downstairs to make a cup of tea. I asked her if she wanted to sit down and tell me what was going on with the dream catcher. She did. She sat down and gave me a twenty minute rigmarole. Then, I wanted to take the opportunity to respond and I asked her not to int erupt. I told her that Sporty did indeed have a dream catcher, that I had purchased it at the local church craft fair some months back. I told her that my daughter would never move her purse ( which MIL insinuated), that Sporty would never go into her purse and remove her keys from the dream catcher. It was also suggested that some money was missing... so I told her that my daughter was not a thief ( which she suggested albeit inadvertently) that my daughter was not a liar - which she outright suggested by demanding that Sporty "tell the truth."

She outright lied to my husband about what happened between she and I - things go so bad that I actually had to call him at work. Worse yet, I think she is so cracked mentally that she doesn't even realize that her version of reality isn't the truth. It has become crystal clear that my children can not, under any circumstances, be left alone with her. She just isn't safe. Actually, my husband is working tonight and I am sort of afraid to be alone in the house with her, to be honest.

How does something so FUBAR always happen everytime this woman is here?? I just don't know. So, what do you think? Would you have been upset if this happened to you?

Where does she come up with this stuff?

So, you ladies that have been reading along know that my hubby and I are headed off to our romantic retreat tomorrow. So excited about our trip to the B&B!!! My mom is here, staying with the girls and I'm not sure who is more excited - me or them! At any rate, I e-mailed my MIL to let her know that we would not be here tomorrow. She tends to call on the weekend and I didn't want her to worry if we weren't here. Additionally, she tends to get a little jealous of my mom ( I don't know why and I wish it wouldn't happen) so I just thought it was better to head this potential problem off at the pass.

You know what they say - out of the frying pan and into the fire. Ugh. Whoever came up with that phrase must have known my family. I sent my MIL an e-mail telling her that the trip to the b&b couldn't come at a better time because my husband had a rough week. Last night, I got a nearly hysterical e-mail from her worrying that hubby and I are on the road to divorce. She kept reminding me that my life as a Navy wife isn't permanent. I think I understand that better than she does and I often wonder where all this comes from.

Is it just that misery loves company? She got divorced several times so maybe she thinks that is always a hazard? I don't know. I can understand that considering her point of view, but she seems transfixed by the idea that hubby and I are unhappy. I have no idea where it comes from. It isn't him, they barely ever talk. It isn't me, because all I ever say to her is that I adore him, can't imagine any version of my future without him...

Is it me? Am I the one whose point of view is skewed? Do any of you get where this might be coming from? I'd really love some insight.

Are men really from Mars? I dont' think so....

I know that we women often comment on how different men are from us. I know that men do this too. But are we really so different? Sometimes I think we are more alike than we even realize. I definitely don't think we are from different planets.
I think that women and men both have a lot of misconceptions about one another.

I realized this the other day when my husband told me that he was worried about some things in our future. You see, I always thought of him as being so self assured, so confident and collected. I really didn't realize that he worried over certain types of things - like our house, his job, time away from the family. I was so taken aback and I guess that I shouldn't have been. It made me feel so selfish because I get so caught up in my own cares and concerns that I often don't think of his. Actually, to be totally honest, outside of his job, I didn't really think he had any concerns.

I was talking with some friends today and we were talking about men. It was all in good fun, but many of these misconceptions came up. You know the generalizations that I am talking about because we have all have heard them. Men can't do laundry, they don't think things through, they don't plan for the future, they don't multi - task, etc..... Maybe my husband is an anomaly, but he does all of these things. Even the laundry, and yes, he even manages to not turn our underwear pink. ( It's a good thing since I am sure he would get ragged on no end about that on the submarine.)

I do think that there are some fundamental differences in the manner in which men and women communicate. For example, men like to "fix" things. They don't really understand our need to vent. Girlfriends really are better for venting. Trust me on this. Another thing, if you give a man ( or if you are a man reading this the opposite would be true for you) a task to do which they do not normally do, IE the laundry, you must give them explicit instructions, even things that you may think are obvious and take for granted that they know. Be specific. In my relationship it would be the same if my husband were telling me how to fix my computer. He would have to be explicit and take me step by step, otherwise something bad would be bound to happen.

Men don't have hidden meanings in the things they say the way that women do. Come on ladies, to be totally honest you know that we all have mastered the art of the backhanded compliment. How many times have you walked away from a conversation with another women - in my case especially my in-laws - where you find yourself saying, "what did she mean by that?" In my limited experience with men, they say what they mean. There is no hidden context. If there are any guys out there reading this, you can correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't like veal means I don't like veal not I dont' like the way you fix it, my mothers is much better.

I also think it is sad that men seem to be hardwired by society to hide their feelings, their cares and concerns from their loved ones. Maybe they are afraid of not being "manly". I think it is up to us to make them feel secure enough in our relationships that they can confide these things honestly and openly.

I just think that we get so caught up in our differences that we forget those things that bring us together, that make us the same. We all want to be happy, we all want our children to grow up to be healthy and safe, we all want to know love.... I guess we are all Earthlings after all.

All I Want for Christmas is..... A Power Generator??

I have come to the conclusion that I have a compulsive/obsessive personality disorder. I worry over anything and everything - and I don't just worry - I really do obsess about things. Every time I hear water running in my house it causes a major disturbance. The other day I was in my downstairs bathroom and I could hear water. It sounded like it was in the walls and I was freaking out! I started looking everywhere for the water... only to discover that it was my coffee maker. Yeah. That's a little over the top, isn't it??
So when my mom and my step dad were here, they asked me what my emergency plan for losing power in the winter was. We have no fireplace ( they aren't viewed as efficient here) so there is no other way to get heat. I had never given it a thought to be honest. I mean, in the year that I have lived here, we may have lost power for a total of 30 minutes and that is really stretching it! So I hadn't worried about that, until they brought it up. One ice -storm, no heat, broken pipes everywhere.... you get the imagery, I'm sure.
So today, we actually lost power for about three hours. No big deal. It was 48 degrees out so I wasn't too worried. Ok, that's a total lie. I was panicked beyond all reason, but I held it together. Still, what if it had been the middle of the night? And colder? And my pipes burst? ( Can you tell that broken pipe is a trauma that I will probably never recover from??) So this year, I'm asking Santa for a power generator that will run my heater in the event of an outage. Am I totally insane? Probably. But if it takes one thing of my to worry about list - so be it. Of course it will just add new worries like what if the generator blows up? What if I can't start the damn thing? What if noxious fumes kill us all while we sleep? Honestly I could go on for hours but what's the point? If I die from noxious fumes, at least my pipes probably wont' freeze.

What's Wrong with Hollywood?

Ok so Veterans day is just a few days away and it really has me thinking.... Scary, I know! What is wrong with Hollywood? Why are they so willing to portray the worst in our country? Why are they so willing to portray the worst about our military?

In my father's day, Hollywood actually supported the military and the war effort. That is nearly impossible to imagine now. These days we have movies like Rendition- New Line Cinema will release “Rendition,” in which Reese Witherspoon plays a woman whose Egyptian-born husband is snared by a runaway counterterrorism apparatus. Paul Greengrass, the director of “The Bourne Ultimatum,” in which the bad guys belong to a similar rogue unit, is adapting Rajiv Chandrasekaran’s book about the Green Zone in Baghdad, “Imperial Life in the Emerald City,” for Universal Pictures.Brian De Palma’s “Redacted,” focusing on an Army squad that persecutes an Iraqi family, is to be released in December by Magnolia Pictures. And Sony Pictures is developing a film based on the story of Richard A. Clarke, the former national security official and Bush administration critic. The love of anything anti- American in eclipsed only by the love of all things anti - American military.

We have certainly come a long way down. In years past, movie stars and movie studios considered supporting the troops their patriotic duty. They made many wonderful movies like A Bridge Too Far, The Longest Day, The Sands of Iwo Jima, Midway, Run Silent, Run Deep and even the Dirty Dozen. Headliners like John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart, and Maureen O'Hara would never be seen saying something that was anti- American. Part of what made them stars was that they were emblematic of all that was best in American society, including the American Military.

For every terrible story about the war, there are just as many good stories. For every story about troops that do something wrong, there are a thousand more about those who are heroes. Yet, only the bad stories are portrayed by the media. We only hear about Haditha - not about how 2 out of 3 Marines that stood accused in this incident have been acquitted. Our media only wants to sell their medium and to do that, a story must be sensational, but sadly, not necessarily true. Is it any wonder, as the family member of an active duty military man, that I want little to no association with most civilians who the media and Hollywood claim to represent? I have no time for America haters... and I guess that means I won't be seeing many movies anytime soon.

Will it Really Help?

Whenever my husband leaves, I am filled with anxiety. I stress about my children, my husband's safety, money, the smells of my car, the noises that any normal house makes and every other little thing under the sun. I hate having all these worries and the feeling that they never go away.
Yesterday my garage door opener went on the blink. Apparently when installed it was never lined up properly and now, fixing it, is going to take my step dad and I several hours later today. Why can't shit just work properly? I mean, is that really so much to ask??
I'm tired of being grateful that I am good with a screwdriver. I'd rather just not have these things go wrong in the first place. Sure it will get fixed, but in the meanwhile, it is just going to give me something else to worry about. Now my heat makes a terrible noise every time one of the zones goes on and I hate that. I worry that the machine isn't working right - why do I always feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop? I hate feeling like chicken little and that the sky is falling. It's a terrible way to live your life.
A friend of mine suggested keeping an anxiety journal, you know writing down all the things that I am worried about. I somehow suspect that it would get awfully long very quickly. I will try anything if it would mean being about to put some of these worries to rest, but I wonder if it will help?