Made of Sterner Stuff

That's part of being a military spouse, that fact that we are made, of necessity, of sterner stuff. My father used to ask how I could say goodbye with a smile on my face, he was proud of me that I could. I told him that I could because that's what we do. That is what is required. We see our sailors off and we smile. Then we cry our eyeballs out the whole way home - but NEVER where he can see. I always wanted my sailor to remember my smile and I wanted my father to as well.

I can't understand women who moan and complain because they have to move one time in their life. They let their children wallow in misery and sadness over something that can't be controlled or changed. Worse, they let their children wallow in misery over a conscious choice that they have made, or allow themselves to. I just don't understand it. My husband tells me that I don't understand this because I have had to move so many times in my life, and I guess that he is right. It's hard to move. It certainly isn't my favorite thing to do but sometimes it has to be done. What good does boo-hooing do? Especially in public - wallowing in self pity and letting everyone see you. I can't fathom it.

I was sad when we left our last duty station. I won't lie and tell you that I didn't cry, but not in public. I cried and still cry when I think about my students that I left behind and the friends that I miss. But deep down I know that new friends don't replace the friends left behind and a move doesn't mean the loss of a relationship. It just means you have to work a little harder to maintain it. Every place is an adventure, part of the life journey and every person you met a potential friend. I feel blessed for all the various places that I have lived, the people that have traveled in and out of my life and the strength that this experience has given me. The strength doesn't appear to apply when listening to other women whine. Sometimes I have an almost uncontrollable urge to say, "Suck it up, buttercup". My fellow Navy wives, I'm sure, will understand. It's like listening to some housewife complain because her husband is gone for three days golfing and she doesn't know how she is going to cope without him and what in the world will she do with her kids? I'm glad I'm made of sterner stuff and me and my children, oh yeah, three days wouldn't even register. (Not really, anyway.)

Collateral Duty?

Most of you know from the tone of my posts the last couple of days that my husband is gone again. I believe our boat has something like a 78% sea to land ratio. In other words, they aren't home very much. I am so looking forward to some down time and shore duty that I can't even tell you!
I know that it's hard to be gone and work as hard as my husband does. That said though, it takes what, like five seconds to write an e-mail? Honestly? I haven't had a single e-mail since he left, which to be honest sadly isn't all that unusual. Still, it occassionally hurts when I hear from my friends who have gotten e-mails and even phone calls. It makes me feel like I'm not important enough for him to take five seconds out of his day.
Usually I am calm and rational enough to realize that this line of thinking is ridiculous, but this week, I have been anything but calm and rational. It's been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster on so many levels. It's been to such a degree that even my previous captain's wife was worried about me and called to check on me. God, I miss her.
Thankfully, I have such good friends on the boat. One of them told her husband to tell my husband to get off his tush and send me a flippin e-mail. ( Thanks Steph, you rock!!! And so does Chad!) So, I finally get an e-mail from my loving husband. He tells me he loves me and thinks of me always, that he's been busy with charts and he ends the e-mail with "I'm off to watch now so that Chad can get another of his collateral duties." When he gets home, he's going to find my floral combat boots up his collateral behind. E-mailing your wife isn't something someone else should need to even mention, let alone request on her behalf. Men! I love mine but he needs to get his priorities straight! I mean, I am much more important than successfully navigating a billion dollar nuclear powered submarine! ( and for those that don't know me, this is totally me poking fun at myself!)

All I Want for Christmas is..... A Power Generator??

I have come to the conclusion that I have a compulsive/obsessive personality disorder. I worry over anything and everything - and I don't just worry - I really do obsess about things. Every time I hear water running in my house it causes a major disturbance. The other day I was in my downstairs bathroom and I could hear water. It sounded like it was in the walls and I was freaking out! I started looking everywhere for the water... only to discover that it was my coffee maker. Yeah. That's a little over the top, isn't it??
So when my mom and my step dad were here, they asked me what my emergency plan for losing power in the winter was. We have no fireplace ( they aren't viewed as efficient here) so there is no other way to get heat. I had never given it a thought to be honest. I mean, in the year that I have lived here, we may have lost power for a total of 30 minutes and that is really stretching it! So I hadn't worried about that, until they brought it up. One ice -storm, no heat, broken pipes everywhere.... you get the imagery, I'm sure.
So today, we actually lost power for about three hours. No big deal. It was 48 degrees out so I wasn't too worried. Ok, that's a total lie. I was panicked beyond all reason, but I held it together. Still, what if it had been the middle of the night? And colder? And my pipes burst? ( Can you tell that broken pipe is a trauma that I will probably never recover from??) So this year, I'm asking Santa for a power generator that will run my heater in the event of an outage. Am I totally insane? Probably. But if it takes one thing of my to worry about list - so be it. Of course it will just add new worries like what if the generator blows up? What if I can't start the damn thing? What if noxious fumes kill us all while we sleep? Honestly I could go on for hours but what's the point? If I die from noxious fumes, at least my pipes probably wont' freeze.