Honoring the USS Nautilus

The year was 1957. The world watched in astonishment and horror as the Russians launched Sputnik 1 into space. The United States was scrambling - far behind Russias superior technological advantages in the space race at a dangerous time when the cold war was just heating up. As a country, we had lost faith in American Exceptionalism. Then, just a few short months later, something truly amazing changed all of that. You see, while the Russians looked off into the stars, we were busy finding new ways to explore our planet.

In the summer of 1958, we took the world by surprise when the worlds first ( and finest) nuclear submarine surfaced from under the ice pack at the North Pole. Commander Anderson announced to the world, " For our country and the United States Navy, this is Nautilus, 90 degrees north." This event helped restore our faith in ourselves, but what is most amazing about that event, wasn't the aftermath, but the feat itself.

It was dubbed, ironically, "Operation Sunshine". After two failed attempts at the Pole, one in which Nautilus lost one of her periscopes, the Nautilus finally succeeded. It was my honor and privilege to meet one of the wives of the brave Nautilus crew last night. He was the chief sonor technician on board the boat. It was his challenge, and that of his men, to monitor the depth of the ice flows that the Nautilus had to navigat.

It's almost impossible to imagine the bravery and curiosity of those men. They truly knew and understood what it meant to "boldly go where no man had gone before". Not only did they prove that a nuclear submarine could traverse the treacherous waters of the icy north, but they were knocking on the back door of the Soviet Union itself. After all, if Nautilus could surface at the Pole, couldn't she also potentially launch her missiles? It caused the russians enough concern that they rushed to produce their own nuclear boats, to the great detriment of many of their sailors. ( K-19 anyone?)

Because of those brave men, all of our sailors are safer. Their journey gave us improved technology and navigation systems. Their journey gave us invaluable information about ice flows in the Artic. Their journey reestablished the superiority of the US Navy. But most of all, t heir journey made reaffirmed the capabilities of humanity - both for good and for evil.

Today, I honor their achievement.

It's that Pivotal Moment

First let me just say that I can't believe it has been this long since I have blogged. As a person who uses their writing to process.... going this long just seems wrong in some way. I have been swamped with work, and so tired at night that crawling into bed is about all I can do. Still, I realize that I need to make more time for myself and especially my writing, so here it goes...

I was thinking about pivotal moments the other day... you know, those moments where everything in your life changes. I have had a few in my life. I'm sure we all have.

I guess the first really major one that I remember was watching my kitten get abused. I know this will surprise the people who truly know me, but I was in an emotinoally and physically abusive relationship for five years. It didn't start out that way - it never does. I thought that I could change him. I believed that if I just showed him that love is constant that he would find the strength and the courage to change his life. I was so wrong. Things didn't get better for us - they just got worse. We met when I was 15 - young, niave and vulnerable. ( I wish that he could see the woman that I am today, the woman that I am in no small part because of what I suffered at his hands)
At any rate, I came home from work one day, and I found him and a friend abusing my kitten. My kittens name was Stripe and in a hopeless life, he was the one thing that gave me joy. As I watched the kitten get abused - I felt a well spring inside me - one that I didn't know existed. I immediately intervened and saved the kitten. For some reason, I knew that I had to save that small, helpless creature, but in reality, he saved me. For some reason, I could do for that kitten what I couldn't do for myself - WALK AWAY. I walked and though I looked back on occassion, the important thing is that I never turned around.

The pivotal moment of my life - the first time our eyes met across a crowded room. When my friend introduced me to him, I knew he would change my life forever, though I couldn't have at that moment, ever have imagined how. Three years later, I looked into those same brown eyes and promised to love him forever and I know that I will. No matter what happens, no matter what the future holds, this much I know is true.... my husband is the only man I have ever truly loved, and he is the only man I ever will truly love. That night that we meet- every second of my future balanced on that night, though I didn't know it then.

Since then I have watched him draw solar systems in the sand, seen him become a father, I have sent him off to war in places that I may never know.... We have grown up together and I hope to grow old together. But whatever the future holds for us, he is my soul mate - the only one I will ever have. Without that night all those years ago, I don't know where I would be today. Sad, lonely, unhappy all those things probably. Well, I guess it's just like the song says... "what's meant to be will always find a way" and I feel so blessed that it did.

There are so many days that each of us face that pivotal moment. Open up your heart and embrace them, because they truly do shape the future.

Tired

Today was a busy day. I am gearing up for sending my daughters off to school tomorrow. I can't believe that the start of school is finally here. NOw I just have the baby puppy to contend with. Still, he's so cute it is more of a joy than a chore - most of the time anyway.

It was a busy day with work. I am trying to collect mail to get to our sailors. It is no small logistical feat collecting all the mail, organizing it and then getting it where it needs to go. Still, small chores like this one make me happy because I know how much those letters from home mean to our sailors.

I heard from a good friend today which is always such a welcome thing. It was so nice to catch up with her, I just wish that we had more pleasant things to talk about. Instead, we were dealing with "Sybil", the multiple personality wonder. Nope, there are about a million and one things that I would rather have talked about.

I received an e-mail from my husband today - the first in several long weeks. It wasn't much of a letter, but at least I know he is ok and thinking of us. He actually said, " I look forward to seeing you when time permits..." I nearly keeled over I was laughing so hard. I mean really? When in the near future does he think that is going to happen? I guess it isn't at all funny, it's just that if I weren't laughing I'd be crying.

Look for some back to school pictures of Posh and Sporty tomorrow.

Finally Home!

God, it feels so good to be home! After thirteen hours, a hellacious experience with the rental car, and now an incurable case of insomnia - it is just so damn good to be home. I pulled into the driveway and saw my house - still standing there - waiting like a beacon. I walked in the door and thankfully, other than the situations I deal with every day, there were no calamities waiting for me.
I know that tomorrow I will pay the price for being up tonight blogging. My dad is here and I adore him, but he requires a lot of attention and care. He isn't doing so well. He is very unsteady on his feet and it really scares me. I'm not sure what I can do for him other than make him as comfortable as possible.
Tomorrow the insanity of laundry, grocery shopping and every day life begins again.

Thankfully there is some bullshit that I don't have to deal with right away. Though sometimes, I'm not quite sure that is a good thing. I have one situation hanging over me like a storm cloud just waiting to break. I remain unsure of how I am going to deal with it - delicately of course, but other than that I am debating over the best course of action. Confronting people is never fun, and while I hope for a positive outcome, one is not really expected.

Oh well, it's just so good to be back!

"Dolts" and Other Nice Compliments

You know what I really hate? I really hate it when some people go around acting so superior when in fact, they are so involved in their own life that they can't see the forest for the trees. I'm sick of it, and I'm not just going to sit around and take it anymore.
I have a group on a social networking site that is supposed to be a place that people can share the ups and downs of their life - THEIR life - THEIR reality. Every member there should be free to share, but lately, I have felt ham stringed by certain member/members. Reality only applies to them and anyone who inadvertently offends them with their own reality is a dolt.
I think being a dolt is being so wrapped up in yourself that you can't understand that people will have differing perceptions about various topics. I think being a dolt means that you feel the need to verbally "bitch slap" anyone who you don't think has it as bad as you do.
Certainly an occasional dose of a different reality can make people more tolerant. I know that I have learned a lot in the past two years, and I apply that knowledge in my everyday relationships with people. I know that I am more careful about the things that I say around this particular group of people because - heaven forbid - you never know when you are going to offend someone with some comment about how you are feeling. And no, everyone isn't free to share, we are all just free to share on certain subjects but others are sacrosanct -if you share on THOSE subjects, you are labeled ungrateful, non -compassionate , or as just recently happened, a DOLT.
Can you tell I'm a little pissed? Good, because I am. I have always welcomed everyone to say what they have to say, and being a Libra, I have restrained myself in the name of "getting along" - well, those days are over. If I have something to say, I'm going to say it - whatever it is, no matter who it may offend because I'm tired of getting shit on when the shoe is on the other foot. So look out ladies, the gloves are officially off.

The More Things Change.... The More They Stay the Same

All my life, my relationship with my sisters can best be labeled "strained". I have two older sisters, who happen to be identical twins. They are five years older than me, blonde, hair, blue eyes, Christy Brinkley look alikes. Scary. It was a lot to live up to, being their sister, and somehow, I never quite measured up.
I guess at some point I stopped trying and became the "antithesis" to all things that they were or that I thought they were. Neither seeking acceptance or pretending that I didn't care about it was a very good course of action for me.
Finally, as I grew into my own, I stopped caring what others thought, stopped overtly seeking approval and learned to live for myself.
Or so I thought. Fast track to this past week with my sister.... It's amazing how quickly I feel myself sinking back into the same habits, the same thought patterns, the same need for approval. It sort of sickens me really how, even now, approval is something that I would like to have. i thought I was beyond all this. I guess some things never change.

Tick Tock....

The girls and I made it safely to Pennsylvania. My mom was so right about the business class on the train. It was roomy and very comfortable. The girls were absolute angels. They were better than most adults on the train, no kidding.
You know, I hadn't realized how much I needed to slow down and take a break. Unfortunately, in conjunction with "slowing down", I have also realized just how much time is left and how slow time is actually moving. I miss my husband. I hate having him away from me. Still, the girls and I go on and do the best we can.
We have some fun events planned for while we are here. On Sunday, we are going on teh Gateway Clipper. That's a river boat cruise that tours the Three Rivers here in Pittsburgh. It is a Sundae on Sunday cruise ( Make your own sundae's...) so you know the kids are going to love it!
I finally relieved the stress of how we are going to get home so that is a really good thing. I have been wound so tight, it's amazing when it actually sat down and took time to realize it.
I knew that being out of my realm of control was going to be a rael challenge for me, but even I didn't realize just how much. I have my hands in too many cookie jars. I told my husband that my goal while he was gone was to stay as busy as possible while he was gone, and fall in bed exhausted every night. Mission accomplished at home, but it is all catching up with me here.
Tomorrow my sister and nephews arrive... who knows what their arrival will bring...