It's that Pivotal Moment

First let me just say that I can't believe it has been this long since I have blogged. As a person who uses their writing to process.... going this long just seems wrong in some way. I have been swamped with work, and so tired at night that crawling into bed is about all I can do. Still, I realize that I need to make more time for myself and especially my writing, so here it goes...

I was thinking about pivotal moments the other day... you know, those moments where everything in your life changes. I have had a few in my life. I'm sure we all have.

I guess the first really major one that I remember was watching my kitten get abused. I know this will surprise the people who truly know me, but I was in an emotinoally and physically abusive relationship for five years. It didn't start out that way - it never does. I thought that I could change him. I believed that if I just showed him that love is constant that he would find the strength and the courage to change his life. I was so wrong. Things didn't get better for us - they just got worse. We met when I was 15 - young, niave and vulnerable. ( I wish that he could see the woman that I am today, the woman that I am in no small part because of what I suffered at his hands)
At any rate, I came home from work one day, and I found him and a friend abusing my kitten. My kittens name was Stripe and in a hopeless life, he was the one thing that gave me joy. As I watched the kitten get abused - I felt a well spring inside me - one that I didn't know existed. I immediately intervened and saved the kitten. For some reason, I knew that I had to save that small, helpless creature, but in reality, he saved me. For some reason, I could do for that kitten what I couldn't do for myself - WALK AWAY. I walked and though I looked back on occassion, the important thing is that I never turned around.

The pivotal moment of my life - the first time our eyes met across a crowded room. When my friend introduced me to him, I knew he would change my life forever, though I couldn't have at that moment, ever have imagined how. Three years later, I looked into those same brown eyes and promised to love him forever and I know that I will. No matter what happens, no matter what the future holds, this much I know is true.... my husband is the only man I have ever truly loved, and he is the only man I ever will truly love. That night that we meet- every second of my future balanced on that night, though I didn't know it then.

Since then I have watched him draw solar systems in the sand, seen him become a father, I have sent him off to war in places that I may never know.... We have grown up together and I hope to grow old together. But whatever the future holds for us, he is my soul mate - the only one I will ever have. Without that night all those years ago, I don't know where I would be today. Sad, lonely, unhappy all those things probably. Well, I guess it's just like the song says... "what's meant to be will always find a way" and I feel so blessed that it did.

There are so many days that each of us face that pivotal moment. Open up your heart and embrace them, because they truly do shape the future.

Keeping On... Keeping On... All the While, the Silence is Deafening

The thing I hate the most about my husband being gone? The silence. Most people don't realize what it is to not even be able to tell your husband that you love them - not even by e-mail, every day. There is no instant messaging, no two way phone, no nothing... just silence. That's my life for a large portion of the time that my husband is gone, and when he is silent, I worry.

I try every night to thank God for all the good things in my life, all the things that I have to be thankful for. It makes me feel good to accentuate the positive. I have my girls, so far they are having a wonderful summer and we are staying busy. We love going to the beach together, and thankfully, I have a fabulous and trustworthy babysitter. Things aren't too bad.

I have survived the first little while without some major disaster - knocking on wood profusely as I write this! All in all, things are not off to a bad start. I'm relieved.

Still, there are those moments when I am alone... working in the house and I look up and see his smile. My heart catches, my throat constricts, and.... it's just a picture. In that moment, the enormity of how long it will be just a picture hits.

I try to allow myself to feel what I feel. I like to end the day on a positive, as I said, and for the most part, I like to keep my days on a more positive than negative note. But sometimes, I need to cry. After I do, I pick myself up and life goes on.

Today, my oldest has her flying up ceremony. She will no longer be a Brownie, but instead, a junior girlscout. It's hard for me to believe. Even in a Navy town, I know it will only be a matter of minutes before some obtuse asshole asks me where my husband is. Still, with high hopes for a beautiful day together, my children and I head out the door.

Looking for the Bubbles...

When you get disorientated under the water, you are supposed to check for the bubbles to see which way is up. Right now, in my life, I'm just looking for the bubbles because without them, I have no idea which way is up.
Life gets so hectic and crazy sometimes that all those little moments that make life magical seem to get lost in the shuffle. Here we are, caught up in the throwes of the latest goodbye, and all the little moments get lost in the shuffle of the checklist of "things to do."
I'm still waiting for my husband to get the phone calls to his family out of the way. I hate having that to look forward to. They always call at the worst possible time and then want to talk for hours.... My goodness, my nephew, who my husband hasn't even seen in over 3 years, has to say "goodbye" while my children wait patiently to get their time with their father. It's frustrating... and it's frustrating for him too. Still, nothing ever really changes.
I feel slightly less emotional this time as I wait for the inevitable. I guess in a short while the flood gates will open and I will be here all alone. It's better that way.
I hate feeling like world is spinning out of control, and I just want to hold up the "STOP!" sign. I'm looking forward to some sembelence of normal and balance to come back to my life, though I don't know what "normal" is most of the time, or when that may happen. I guess I will keep looking for the bubbles and try to figure out which way is up.

The Things that Matter... and the Things that Don't

Last night was my first official social event as Ombudsman. It was particularly stressful because our old ombudsman was given the task of making this event happen and then we switched halfway through... so it ended up being my task. The event was a kids and dad's craft night sponsored by our Fleet and Family Support. I know that I have many civilian readers out there - so basically we had counselors coming in to talk to the children about the upcoming deployment. They were discussing some of the feelings that the children might experience.
We didn't have a very good showing - only 2 dads and their kids - six children altogether. At first, I was a little disappointed, but then I started to think about the things that matter and the things that don't. Numbers don't matter quality matters.
I looked around at the children's faces... the way they were able to freely talk about their fears, their emotions and all the things they were going through WITH their dads... that was priceless. The counselor listed all the feelings that the children may be experiencing and asked everyone experiencing those feelings - like confusion, sadness, loneliness, pride, and others... to raise their hands. It was so moving to see those Dads raise their hands right along with their children.
I can honestly say that my children were able to connect with their dad in a way that I haven't seen in some time.
They made pillowcases for the children to use while the dads are deployed. Those pillowcases just brought tears to my eyes. The messages written on them were priceless - good luck in middle school, I love you, I'm so proud of you, I'll miss you ... so many emotions. The children did such an amazing job decorating them too, they really were beautiful.
Even though it wasn't a huge turnout, I am so proud to have been a part of this event. I know that the children that were there, really benefited and to me, that is what is truly important.

Homefires....

I am working hard to keep the homefires burning bright, but it gets harder and harder with no relief in sight.

I hate only having e-mail and the occassional phone call to cling to, but I know it's better than nothing. Still, lately it has been practicially nothing. I've reveieved one e-mail from my husband. Now I know that he is working hard and getting little sleep, I get it. What worries me is the time ahead. Is this all that I can look forward to for six long months?

Love's a heavy weight and I don't think that I can carry it all alone. I can't keep the homefires burning for both of us. He has to do his part too. I'm not sure he gets it. I'm not even sure he cares.I sat down and wrote a list - 10 things that would make my life easier while you're gone. I'm not going to give it to him. Why bother? I'm not sure he would read it, it may even seem ungrateful. I have a terrible habit of always coming across in the wrong way when talking to my husband. It usually never goes well.

Here's my list - I have to share it with someone, even if it is just myself.
1. Please leave plenty of emergency reserves so that I don't have to worry. The car may need something, my washer is as old as our oldest child and both the refrigerator and the microwave are on the fritz. It's only a matter of time...
2. The price of gas is killing me. Please increase my monthly budget to allot for this. This will be the first 'raise' in 5 years.
3. Please check the shutters, gutters and roof. I don't want anything flying off while you are gone and you know how bad the wind here gets.
4. Please forget about getting the lawnmower fixed and let me keep the lawn boys.
5.Occassionally think about the girls and I - an e-mail once a week just isn't cutting it, especially when I know there will be times that I won't even get that.
6. Plan ahead. Did you ever think that I might like a little something for halfway night? A love letter would be great - it doesn't have to be something you buy. Tell me how you feel, that would be the greatest gift you could give me.
7. I am running on empty emotionally. Fumes.... how will they get me through this long time ahead?
8. Tell me that you love me so I don't have to worry while you are gone. Tell me that you'll do your best to be safe, because if you haven't figured out that when you leave my heart goes with you... well, you aren't as smart as I know you are.
9. Fill out all proper legal papers.
10. Must have POA's for everything. I can't function any other way. How can I do the job you expect me to if I don't have to the tools?

Really I just want to say... Don't go. Like Rose in the Titanic as she is about to be swallowed by the Ocean - Don't go. Stay here with me. I know he can't. I know he has to go. I know it's my job to send him with a smile. God, can you imagine - a smile? How will I do that? I don't think I will be able to smile for the next long time.... Good thing it's summer or my face could freeze with this unhappy look. Somehow, I have got to keep it together for myself, my children, for him, for all the people counting on me... Shit. Guess I'll have to put off the breakdown indefinitely....

Ok, the pity party is over for now. I feel better already and now, I must face the day. Another day, without him. Memorial day - yet just another day. One more day and one more day and one more day... I feel like the little engine who could - maybe if I tell myself it often enough, I really will survive the next little while.

Dealing With Issues - Why Can't I Just Let it Go?

I am on the edge of a cliff facing the great abyss, the chasm of the long goodbye. Every time i feel like I will handle it better this time, I'm more prepared, I can DO this. Yet every time I feel engulfed by all the same emotions: despair, hopelessness, loss of control and so much more. I feel like there are so many emotions bottled up inside me that if I have to deal with just one more, I'm going to explode.
In order to be prepared to do the things that I am going to need to do, I have to first deal with my own issues. Sometimes I feel at a loss as to how I will even do that. At times I feel so overwhelmed that I grasp for even a place to start. I guess I have to come to terms with my own issues and my own feelings first before I can deal with other issues or help others with their emotions.
So here's the thing. I'm hurt, devastatingly so, and I'm angry. I have all these emotions pent up and memories from last year that I thought I had dealt with and moved on from which are apparently still there somehow, like a splinter in my heart that is just festering.
I have all this anger - rationally I know that I shouldn't, but I do. I feel angry that my husband is leaving, even though I know that this is out of his control. I feel angry that so much of our time is shared and we have so little of it to begin with, and worse, I feel angry when he's tired all the time. He makes an effort to spend time with me, but honestly it's like being with a zombie - someone who is only half there. I sense this and I get mad. I get mad because I feel like I shouldn't have to feel second best or take second place, though rationally, I know that for right now at least, I must.
Do you see my conundrum? I GET that what I feel isn't right, isn't rational, but I can't stop feeling it and I can't change it. I WANT TO CHANGE IT, but I just don't know how to let all these feelings go.
Every cruel word - even those I know he didn't mean - they all weigh on my heart. Every careless comment like how it wasn't "worth it" for me to travel to see him, they each weigh on my like a planet of pain and regret. As I said in the past, I know that my man is not the "throw caution to the wind" type, but once, just once - because he loves me, I wish that he would.
I pour my heart out, in letters, in pictures, in blogs and I wonder: does he see? Does he know? Does he understand that it kills me to watch him walk away? Especially knowing that my job is to watch him go with a smile on my face. It seems like an impossible tasks.
How can I let these feelings go? How can I take the anger out of my life that is eating me and my marriage like a poison from inside? I just don't know the answers and I feel like I'm just groping in the dark. Still, I keep searching for a way to find the light. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

"I'm so Tired..."

I'm so tired of hearing "I'm so tired." My husband works his ass off for his family. I know it, I understand it, and I certainly appreciate it. He works long hours and his job is very stressful sometimes. (Most of the time) I can look at his face when he comes home from work and I know that he's bushed. He doesn't need to tell me. I hate it when he tells me.

Every day I think to myself, tonight we'll do something fun together. We'll have some deep conversation. We'll have a political debate. Maybe we'll even make love.... I think of all these things that we are going to do and then.... he comes home and says, "I'm so tired." None of these things are going to happen. Why try? Especially in the love department, when my man is tired, he just needs his sleep. Anything else is going to end badly, usually with me frustrated and him hurt and upset. It just isn't worth it.

I know I shouldn't complain, but the fact is that if I'm not venting him, I'm bitching to him. I feel bad bitching to him so I just need to get it out. I'm tired of feeling deprived. I'm tired of my husband being gone for MONTHS at a time. I'm just so tired.....

Honestly, my life is wonderful in most aspects. I know my husband loves me. I have two beautiful little girls, and I feel so priviledged to be their mother. I live in a beautiful house, with a beautiful garden. My husband is even thinking about putting in a pool. Sometimes though, I just miss my partner who seems to be gone more and more of the time, even when he should be here with me, and that makes me feel really sad.

Whose Time Table Am I On Anyway?

Do you ever get the feeling that you do everything in someone else's time? Never when it may please you to do something, but always instead when it can be done or when it must be done. Lately this seems to be the story of my life and I hate it. I hate feeling like anything and EVERYTHING in my life is at someone else's convenience.

My friend says that this is the way with everyone. We shop when the stores are open, we go to work when we are told. Yes, I do shop when the stores are open - but within my own time constraints. With my husband and his job, I feel like everything we do is on someone else's terms.

We celebrate holidays and birthdays - not necessarily when we should as other people do - but when we can. Christmas isn't always on December 25th for us. Last year it was, but the year prior it was actually December 17th. Close enough for government work, I guess.

My whole life revolves around the convenience and happiness of others. It's frustrating to say the least. Even my sex life goes according to my husband's work schedule. Saturday night for instance is usually a very good night. The thing is, what happens when Saturday night rolls around and I am not so inclined? Well, in all honesty, I usually acquiesce... who knows when the opportunity will present itself again?

I am just angry and frustrated. I would have thought that after all these years together, this predeployment build up wouldn't apply to us. We wouldn't go through the fear of seperation, the anxiety about the loss, the anger/fear/ resentment. Haven't we been through this enough times now? Suprisingly, it is as if we are going through it all for the first time. Here I am, just like a new Navy wife, going through all the same fears and uncertainties that I have faced and conquered so many times in the past.

I want to get through this - hold my family together. Still, just once in a while, I would like to do things in my own sweet time, not at the convenience of others. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask, does it? I am looking forward to moving thought this stage of predeployment and working my way to where I can be stable and ok again. I hate the anger and resentment I sometimes feel, especially when, rationally, I know it isn't my husbands fault. Anyone else out there ever feel like everything they do is on someone else's timetable?

Never Again!

We all have those things in our lives - those things that if we never had to do them again - it just wouldn't phase us one bit. In fact, the lack of having these things in our lives could improve our quality of life significantly!

Here are some things that I would be quite happy to never do again, in no particular order:
1. I would be totally ok if I never had another period. I am almost 38 years old and I have had "IT" since I was 10. I have 2 beautiful little girls and my tubes are tied, so there is no expectation of having any more children. The way I see it, my uterus has served it's purpose and if it were ripped out tomorrow and I never had another period - I wouldn't miss it in the least bit!

2. I have a HATE - HATE relationship with our ride on lawnmower and would be quite happy to never see the seat of the red monstrosity ever again. I have no intention whatsoever of mowing my lawn this summer while my husband is deployed. I have hired lawn men to do that! I have enough with the house, the garden and my children thank you very much!

3. Cleaning the microwave or the toilet. Yes, I know these things have to get done, and trust me, I do them regularly, but if I could wave a magic wand or have a house elf do it for me, believe me, I WOULD!

4.Mulching. I love to garden and I love my flower beds, but the mulching seems like this never ending process. I wish you could just mulch once and it would last for five years or so... but sadly, that isn't the case. I mulched twice last year and already my beds need new mulch. At least I'll get a tan...

5.Ok, this one really is a big pet peeve of mine - listening to civilian women whine about how they "never get to see their husbands". He's home every night by 6 and when he goes on a business trip - he can call you every night. Please don't expect any sympathy from this submariner's wife who goes six months or more at a time without seeing her husband's face and phone calls? Yeah, they are almost as rare, and when I do get them, it's in the middle of the night because he's on the other side of the world.

6. Coupled with number 5, listening to my SIL and MIL whine about the impact of a SINGLE move on my nephew. He's just so stressed because he had to move - poor thing. First off - my SIL and BIL made the CHOICE to move. Secondly, my nephew is 10 - stop treating him like he's 3. Thirdly, again, my children move every 2 to 21/2 years. We leave friends all the time, constantly face the insecurities of a new place, a new school... so please don't expect me to sympathize because you made a choice and you haven't given your child the coping mechanisms to deal with it.

7. MOVING! I hate moving. Well, that isn't really true. The adventure of a new place is exciting, but the packing and unpacking of stuff certainly isn't! To some degree, I long for the time in my life when I will be able to call ONE PLACE home for more than 2 years.

8. Watching my friends cry. I hate to see other people hurting, especially when I feel helpless to do something to "fix it".

9. Saying goodbye to the people I love. I hate it. I hate doing it, and while I know that goodbyes are as much a part of life as hellos are, that doesn't make doing it any easier.

10. I hate it when people see me cry, especially my husband. I hate it when he's leaving and I have so many things to tell him, but my tongue gets thick and the words won't come. For a person who loves to write and who lives to communicate their thoughts and feelings, this is pure, unadulterated HELL!

What are some things that you would gladly give up ever having to do again?

A Startling Revelation: Married Men Make Extra Housework for Their Wives!

This is research just conducted by the University of Michigans' Institute for Social Research. Surprisingly enough, the head researcher is a man. What is most startling to me is that the University of Michigan feels that this is truly in ANY way a revelation. ANY married woman could have told them this well established fact!

In fact, the sutdy suggests that a man ONLY adds 7 hours a week to the housework for his wife. I would say that this is WAY off. I know for a fact that it has to be more than seven hours. Just picking up my husbands various cups and icecream bowls and washing them takes at least 3o minutes a week and let's not even talk about his laundry! The man only wears an article of clothing once a week and then, on the floor it goes. Apparently the whole concept of a laundry hamper is completely alien. In fact, I find so many clothes on the floor, that I often become disheartened myself and leave mine there too.

The garbage - oh the garbage! We recycle, well, let me correct that - I do. That means that i have to sort through my garbage to see what recyclables my husband has thrown out. This often takes quite a bit of time every week. Not to mention that I am the only one in my house who takes OUT the trash. If I were to go on strike, we would be living on a mountain of crap in about 2 weeks. Seriously.

So everyone dish - how does your spouse add to your housework and do you think that 7 hours a week on average is about right? OR like me, do you think that it's actually more?

I Am Woman - Hear Me ROAR!

I was telling you guys the other day that some of the siding came off of the front of my gabled roof. Not a good thing! As usual, my husband could not be reached, so instead of waiting to hear from him, I pick up the phone and start calling handymen. You see, our house is two stories and the ladder just to fix it would cost over $200 - I checked it out at HomeDepot.com.

Contractors are a real pain in the ass to deal with! Mostly I heard, "OH, I can't get over there in the next two weeks." Listen, if you don't want to do the job because it's a little job, that's fine, but don't blow smoke up my skirt about it. So finally, I reached Tony, and he tells me that he will come by around 6 pm to check it out.

I finally get a hold of my husband who tells me that I should not have called a handyman. Some thanks I get for trying to take care of it so he doesn't have to do it during an already busy weekend.Anyhow, I tell DH, "Look, the guys coming out at 6, it can't hurt to let him look at it." To which he responds "OK, but I'm not paying more than $50 bucks for it."

Now, dh hasn't even seen the house yet. He doesn't realize that more siding is flapping around up there, probably ALSO getting ready to fly off my house into the land of Oz. Husband arrives home at 5 pm. Tony arrives 5 minutes later. Husband asks me what they are going to charge to do the job. I say, " I don't know, you've been outside with them, why don't you ask?" I go out there and there's DH watching the contractors putting up the ladder to fix the siding. I said, " What's it going to cost?" and DH says, " I dunno." GRRRR.... So I have to ask the contractors.

Tony fixed it for $40 bucks and DH didn't have to take up any time from his weekend. When he comes back inside, DH tells me, "Honey, when something like that happens, it doesn't need to get fixed right away and you can't panic." HELLO!!! I didn't panic - I took care of it!!! If I was waiting for DH to get it done, my house would still be half naked with her wood hanging out.... MEN!

What Color Are You Today?

Seriously, every mood has a color, what's yours? Today, I'd have to say that I am storm cloud grey. Nice huh? I woke up this morning, thought I was late, so I rushed to get the kids up so that my daughter wouldn't miss the bus. Turns out that I was actually an hour early and I missed my first cup of coffee - ALONE - as a result of having woken the children up. It was not an auspicious beginning to the day.

It's trash day here, so as I was walking my daughter out to the bus, I grabbed the trash cans. (Of course, no one else here does this but me.) As I am walking out, I see this huge and I mean HUGE, strips of white lying in the grass. WTH? I look up, and guess what?? The gale force winds here had taken off some of the siding from my gabled roof. It isn't bad, but it is something that I want to get fixed right away. I think that my husband could probably do it, but as he has neither the proper equipmment ( a really tall ladder, some assistance and who knows what else may be entailed) nor the time, I called various contractors.

Hopefully one is coming tonight at 6 to look at it. I say hopefully because one never really knows when dealing with a contractor. In the mean time the front of my house looks like shit ( to me anyway) and I am praying as the gale force winds continue on through the day, that things will not get worse.

That's my day in a nutshell. Tomorrow I am hoping to be cerlean blue, but today, I'm storm cloud grey. What color are you and why?

The Bail Money Fund

My mother in law arrived on Thursday. For those of you interested in helping out a friend, my girl Heather is taking up a collection to pay the bail money, should that become necessary.
Seriously though, so far, so good. I haven't had the urge to kill her yet, so that is always a good thing! In fact, the visit hasn't been too bad - but we are only on day 2 of 20! Ugh.
I picked her up from the airport on Thursday. I knew that I would get annoyed if I had to wait too long, so I arranged to be a little late. When I got there, she already had her suitcases and was ready to go. The worst part of the trip so far was the car ride home. That was one and a half hours of just pure one on one hell. She was busy telling me about the man she just met at the pet store and how she hasn't been laid in 10 years. Now the word prude could never be properly applied to me, but, that said, there are just some things that I don't EVER want to know about my mother in law. Her "get lucky" status would definitely be one of those things.
Robbie had duty last night and his mother and I got through that just fine. I kept reminding myself about how much I love him and FOR HIM, I can get through the next 20 days of his mother's visit. If I keep telling myself this positive mantra, perhaps I won't have to imbibed too much alcohol or dip into the stash of low dose medication the doctor gave me! I'm off to put some Bailey's in my coffee and start the day!

Oh Peggie, What did you Start??

The other day, my friend Peggie blogged about how her little girl is becoming a young woman. He daughter found some "bumps" on her chest. Guess what they were? You guessed it, the beginning of boobs!! Her daughter and Sporty are very close in age, but as I read her post, I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. "That's a long way off for me!"

Yeah, right. Literally, the very next day, my daughter came to me and said, "Mom, I'm having a problem. I found this bump on my chest and it's a little uncomfortable when I press on it." Guess what it was? Yes, you guessed it, the beginning of BOOBS!!! HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN????? Just yesterday my baby was a newborn and now she's getting boobs??? I'm WAY to young for this! I shouldn't have a daughter with booblets - as she calls them.

I told my daughter not to worry and explained to her that her body is changing, this is all perfectly normal. Then she asks if her boobs will be as big as mine! Someone please - get me a martini - QUICK! ( I realize that mine are Fabulous - but she's only 9!) I told her that it will take a while for her body to change. She said, "First my glasses, now this! What's next???" If only she knew..... With an acute case of Bronchitis, yesterday was not the day to answer that question.

So today, I girded myself with the BIBLE for all those seeking to answer these questions: "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret." I had it airmailed. Please, Judy Blume, SAVE ME!!!!!

Why I Need SO Much More Than Calgon

Honestly, with my children lately it seems like I could use a years' supply of Calgon. What is it about the holidays that bring out the best and worst in all our children?

My daughters are both such beautiful people - inside and outside. Usually they are so loving with one another, but the excitement of the holidays brings out the worst in everyone and sadly, my children are no exception. They seem to bicker over every little thing, yell at one another and speak harshly. I look at them and wonder where my sweet little girls have gone.

Sometimes I feel like I could be yelling at concert level decibels and still not be heard. I hate yelling. I have tried speaking in a more quiet manner, using consequences etc.... but right now none of it seems to work. I guess just in all honestly nothing in my life seems to be working.

The good news is at least the furnance is fixed. The guy from the oil company thinks ( or I should say thought) that I'm an oversensitize fruit ... but hey. He came out to fix the furnace. I was explaining to him the noise that it was making. SO he calmly turns on the burner and says, " Is that it? Is that the noise that it is making?" HELLO?? No, that's not the noise it's making, I GET that furnaces make a noise when they start up, I may be female but I'm not a complete idiot when it comes to machinery. I wanted to hit him over the head with my screwdrivers and yell, " I fixed my refrigerator you know..."

Anyhow, as if on cue, the furnace starting making the noise that I was actually talking about. He rolls his eyes and says, " Oh yeah, that's not normal." Guess what? A piece of carbon had made it's way onto the nozzle so that the oil wasn't lighting right away. Guess I'm not such an oversensitized fruit after all. Ok, so maybe I am, but I certainly felt vindicated where the repairman was concerned.

Now if only my children were so easy to fix. I'm off to shovel the driveway. AGAIN. CALGON, can you just send a delivery truck? You know the equivalent of an oil tanker to my house? I'll be outside shoveling.....