Motherhood

This year, as I celebrate another Mother's Day, I celebrate the greatest gift I have ever been given - my precious children. Being a mother has always been something that was incredibly important to me. My own mother was such an inspiration in my life that I wanted to share that love with my own children. There was only one problem....

When I was 17, my gynecologist found precancerous cysts in my uterus. They did experimental (then) laser surgery. I was told that it was highly unlikely that I would ever have children. I was devastated.

Several years passed, I moved on with my life. I was in college, in love and almost everything in my life was perfect. Except... I couldn't get rid of my period. I bled for months on end and then finally.... it stopped. My boyfriend (then) and I were getting ready to graduate from college and not only did my period stop, but it left completely. I went to the doctor and took a pregnancy test - negative. So they gave me some pills to bring on my period and told me it was probably the stress of graduation. I didn't give it another thought. Another month passed. No period. The doctor was concerned that I may have cysts in my uterus again, so he gave me an ultrasound. What he found was not a cyst... but a miracle. What he found was my now 11 year old daughter....



My boyfriend and I, already planning on spending our life together, were thrilled about the baby. We got married and my family lived in new bliss. It lasted for three years and then, on another mother's day..... I lost a second baby. Miscarriage - on Mother's Day. I was devastated. I had been trying to get pregnant for over a year with no success. I was starting to think it would never happen again. God had blessed me with such a beautiful child, I felt bad about asking for more, but somehow, my family just didn't seem complete. My husband deployed and when he came home, he gave me a wonderful Christmas present.... My now six year old daughter.



Motherhood has been a joy, a challenge, a life altering experience. It's impossible to imagine loving another being so completely until... you do. My daughters are the greatest gift - Mother's day or otherwise - that I have ever been given. They make me whole and give my life a true purpose. None of this would be possible though without the amazing man that I am lucky enough to call my husband. For loving me and for our beautiful daughters, I am eternally grateful. No matter what life may bring, I will love you if for no other reason than a part of you is a part of them. Thank you my darling Robert.... thank you.

Everyone's A Critic

One thing I really hate - nitpicking. So I know that some people may not be familiar with that term, I don't know whether it's a northern or southern thing, but basically nit-picking is being overly critical on small items that just shouldn't matter. You ever have that happen to you? It isn't fun, is it?

The worst thing is that in addition to being the victim of overly aggressive critics, as a mother, I realize that I am often one myself. Out of necessity - or what I feel is necessity, of course. I tell my daughters to fix their hair or change their clothes when they aren't up to my expectations. I mean, impressions do mean a lot, but at the end of the day, is it worth the constant criticism?

I bicker with my husband sometimes because instead of the words of affirmation that I crave, what I often get is an unrequested critique - even of my blog and TYPOS for the love of pete! I try never to correct people on typos because, after all, we all have made them. No one is perfect.

I am going to resolve now to stop being so critical of others and attempt to go with the flow a little more. Love is what matters, not perfection. Perfection is something that I'm not even remotely capable of, so I guess I should stick with the small stuff - you know, getting up every day, doing my best, taking care of my family... the day to day dirty work that often goes largely unnoticed and unappreciated. Some one has to do it after all.

So, since I can't change others, I'm going to start with the woman in the mirror. I don't want my daughters to hear some harpy in the head when they think of their mom, I want them to think of the person who loves them most in the world, because after all, we're the same person. As for me, well, I guess I can only hope that maybe when my treatment of others changes, maybe their treatment of me will likewise change.

Life Goes On...

In the wake of traumatic events, it is so true that life goes on. It does because it must. My father has passed, but I am still here, my children, and my husband are still here, and I continue with the mundune and not so mundane activities that compromise our lives.

I realize that my children are looking to me, watching to see how I handle this tragedy in our lives. If I am ok, then they are ok. If I loose my balance or wallow in sadness, then they too are lost. Here are some things that I know: death is a part of life. Everyone dies sometime, and I for one would not want to live forever. I believe that there is another place - I hope a better place. I believe that some existence continues, just in another form that I can't currently understand. I want my children to see death - whether it be a beloved grandparent or a childhood pet - as part of life, natural and while not to be sought, also not to be feared.

And so... life goes on. The children had their orientations at school the other day, and they are both eagerly preparing for next week when they will join their friends for the first day of school. It was wonderful to meet the teachers, both of whom I liked very much. I am happy to be able to volunteer in the children's classrooms, I look forward to that every year.

It was funny, while we were there 3 of my oldest daughters previous teachers and the principal all commented on how well she did on the Connecticut State Mastery Test, otherwise known as CMT. Last year, in spite of "the Incident", my oldest daughter managed to score across the board in the 97th percentile. We are very proud of her. Needless to say, this year I am looking forward to getting her results and seeing her progress. Her new teacher says that he is going to be very busy making sure she doesn't get bored. Did I mention that I really like that man? My Dad would have been so proud to hear how well that Sporty is doing in school, and he would have loved how excited my little Posh is to start her first day of First Grade!

I am getting back to the everyday things - doctors appointments, dog walks, girlfriends, occassionally hating the Navy(not really...), and taking care of the house. Life truly does go on. I realize that I have to make the most of my life, the way my father did. We all have to make every day count, because none of us know how many days we have. Sometimes I really do think that it is the small, every day activities that really comprise our lives and make a differenct in the lives of others. That's the best way that I can honor my dad, by being a good mother, a good daughter and a good friend. I hope that I can live up to that.

Coming Full Circle

I am a Facebook fanatic, but this post really isn't about that. This post is about the last 10 years of my life and how coincidences happen, reunions occur, often in the most unlikely of places. Two days ago, a dear friend from my past found me on Facebook. In recent years, due to many moves and other factors, we had become little more than yearly Christmas cards to one another. Now, thanks to Facebook, we can once again be apart of one another's lives, no matter where we live. Isn't technology wonderful?

If you have an account on Facebook, you know that it often suggests other friends for you. People you may know. Yesterday I received a friend invite from a friend that I hadn't talked to in probably just under 10 years. Weird.

Today, in one hour and 36 minutes, my oldest child will be 10 years old. Here's where the unlikely coincidences come in:

Ten years ago yesterday, my husband and I went to the movies with some friends. Dan and Lisa. Like us, they were newly weds, but unlike us, not about to become parents for the first time. As we sat in the movie theatre, I was huge and uncomfortable. We saw a horrible movie - I don't even remember the name. The funniest thing I remember about that night is that I sat in between Robert ( my husband) and Dan. At some point the baby moved, which at that point meant that my ENTIRE stomach shifted. Dan was understandably more than a little freaked out by the whole event. After all, it did look more than a little like I had an alien inside of me.

Robbie and I went home that night. It was late, but even so, I couldn't get to bed. He put the finishing touches on the nursery. We were expecting the baby to arrive in four days, so we were trying to be on top of things. Finally, around 1 am, we went to bed only to be awakened 2 hours later when I thought I had pee'd the bed. I realized the wetness wasn't urine, so then I paniced and thought it was blood. It was clear - not blood. My water broke.

I called the doctor very nonchalant. My water broke, my contractions are 5 minutes apart, do you want me to wait a little longer to come in? The doctor said NO! Come in.... So we got up, got dressed, putzed around the kitchen, I even forced my husband to stop at the 7/11 for maxipads. No one tells you that you will need them and what the hell? I hadn't needed them in 9 months!

At any rate, three hours and twenty one minutes later our beautiful little girl was born. I can't believe that she is 10. Where oh where did the time go and why does it have to pass so quickly??

Oh Peggie, What did you Start??

The other day, my friend Peggie blogged about how her little girl is becoming a young woman. He daughter found some "bumps" on her chest. Guess what they were? You guessed it, the beginning of boobs!! Her daughter and Sporty are very close in age, but as I read her post, I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. "That's a long way off for me!"

Yeah, right. Literally, the very next day, my daughter came to me and said, "Mom, I'm having a problem. I found this bump on my chest and it's a little uncomfortable when I press on it." Guess what it was? Yes, you guessed it, the beginning of BOOBS!!! HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN????? Just yesterday my baby was a newborn and now she's getting boobs??? I'm WAY to young for this! I shouldn't have a daughter with booblets - as she calls them.

I told my daughter not to worry and explained to her that her body is changing, this is all perfectly normal. Then she asks if her boobs will be as big as mine! Someone please - get me a martini - QUICK! ( I realize that mine are Fabulous - but she's only 9!) I told her that it will take a while for her body to change. She said, "First my glasses, now this! What's next???" If only she knew..... With an acute case of Bronchitis, yesterday was not the day to answer that question.

So today, I girded myself with the BIBLE for all those seeking to answer these questions: "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret." I had it airmailed. Please, Judy Blume, SAVE ME!!!!!

I Should Have Named Her Victoria...

As in Beckham.... No one told me I was the mother of the new generation of "Posh" but there you have it. My little tidbit has a new nickname. So funny story... Every week at Posh's school, they have the letter of the week. They talk about the letter, the sound it makes, they have snacks that start with the letter, and they talk about words that start with that letter. Sounds fun, right?
So yesterday, I arrive a little early to pick Posh up. They have the list of words that the children have talked about that start with the letter of the week - this week's letter being "M". It is always fun to read the list, but this week was especially entertaining.
So, I'm reading the list:" Mommy, milk, moon, monster, March, music"... and then I get to my daughters contributions: "Macy's" followed immediately by "mall". Too funny. I looked at the teacher and she said, "Yep, those were Emily's additions." As if I didn't already know.
You see, even though I am pretty ecclectic in my clothing tastes - down right hippy I guess - my daughter truly is Posh. She loves to wear dresses. Only dresses. I really can't get her to wear pants. She doesn't care if she has to wear snow pants under her dress just to be warm enough, just as long as she can wear a dress. She surely doesn't get this from her mother - who lives in jeans - or her sister - which going with the spice girl theme would be "Sporty".
My daughter loves to shop. This, sadly, she does get honestly. We all share that habit. Anyhow, I was relaying this story to my mother, who of course just beamed with pride. She told Posh, " When Gigi comes next week, I'm going to take you to Macy's and get you a dress that twirls!" To which my daughter happily exclaimed, " I LOVE that place! Let's do lunch while we are out!"
They really are peas in a pod.... How did this happen?