How to Keep Your Domestic Goddess Happy - Guys Are You Listening?

There are few blogs that I read with any regularity but one that I particularly like is called Everything Must Go - A Male Perspective. It is a wonderful blog- funny, perceptive and always worth reading. At any rate, in one of the latest entries called Keeping Your Dragon Slaying Husband Happy Ken offers up some awesome suggestions for how to keep your man happy and at home. What's curious is that women are as likely as men to cheat or become dissatisfied in a long term relationship, so where is the how to guide for guys on how to keep women happy? I certainly can't speak for all women, but I will try to offer some insight into the female heart and mind.

1. Be her biggest advocate.
As a woman, I love taking care of my family. I love cooking, making a beautiful home and focusing on having a healthy marriage. As a woman, I also need to do those things that make me feel like a complete person, which occasionally includes things outside the home. When I undertake these endevours - whether it be a job, a volunteer position or furthering my education - I want my man to be there supporting my decision. Now don't misunderstand, that doesn't mean I want a yes man who agrees with everything that I do; however, it does mean that I want my man to give me his honest feedback and always have faith in my ability to do whatever I set my mind to whether it be losing 10 pounds, making a new recipe, or taking my life in a different direction.

2. Be Romantic.
This doesn't mean get her flowers every Friday, some women don't even like flowers. What is means is, find what is important to her and take the time to do the little things. If she likes flowers bring them for no reason at all. Take the time to do something special just for her to show her what she means to you. Use endearments, most women love that.

3. Words of Affirmation.
Women need to feel appreciated. If you want her to do something for you, ie, have sex more - then when she takes the time to do something special for you, let her know you appreciate it. Tell her how amazing you think she is and MEAN IT. Be honest, she will know if you are just blowing smoke up her skirt. You want her to look hot? Well, when she takes the extra time to put on a sexy dress, heels and straighten her hair for you - take the time to appreciate it. Don't just say "Wow, you look amazing." That's a good start, but take the time through your words and your actions to show her that you truly appreciate the effort that she made for you.

4.Reciprocity.
Women are more likely to repeat a behavior that feels good. Aren't men like that? So if you want something a little special in the bedroom whether it be role playing, oral sex, or whatever - make it worth her while and I promise you, she will make it worth yours.

5. Women Percolate.
Foreplay guys. Sounds simple, but I mean it. Men are often like microwaves, they turn on very easily. Women however are slower at getting aroused and they like to savor the experience. That doesn't mean that a women doesn't enjoy a quickie, but prepare her for it. E-mail or text her and say what you would like to do.... Call her and let her know you are thinking about her and can't wait to be together. Kiss her like you mean it, these are things that women appreciate.

6. Know Her Preferences.
All human beings like variety. Women like that as much as men do. Don't make her do all the effort in your relationship, sometimes the man has to take the bull by the horns. Know what she likes and actually listen to the cues her body is giving you. Sometimes women like gentle love play. Sometimes they like a man who is going to take charge and mean business. Sometimes we like to reverse roles and take charge ourselves. If you become adept at paying attention, you won't be disappointed.

7.Quality Time.
It isn't all about getting laid. Take the time to really know your woman. Talk to her about important things and frivolous things. COMMUNICATE! And most importantly, when your woman is talking to you, take the time to really listen to what she is saying. We know the difference between a man who is engaged and a man who is wondering what he needs to say to end the conversation and get in our pants.

8.Build Common Interests.
Find things that you like to do together. Try new things and places. Sharing memories and interests builds a foundation for a long lasting relationship.

9. Respect Each Other as Individuals
Even the closest of couples need time to develop outside interests. Let your partner spend time with their friends or doing the things that they love which isn't an interest you share. They will come home re-energized and these experiences will give you something to talk about. As you both grow as individuals, you need to reinforce your relationship so that you are also growing together. After all, in my opinion real love isn't found in gazing into one another's eyes, but in looking outward in the same direction.

10. Be kind and considerate. Be her knight in shining armor and no, I don't mean rescue her. I just mean love her.

Do these things and a woman worth her salt will love you in spades for them.

The More Things Change.... The More They Stay the Same

All my life, my relationship with my sisters can best be labeled "strained". I have two older sisters, who happen to be identical twins. They are five years older than me, blonde, hair, blue eyes, Christy Brinkley look alikes. Scary. It was a lot to live up to, being their sister, and somehow, I never quite measured up.
I guess at some point I stopped trying and became the "antithesis" to all things that they were or that I thought they were. Neither seeking acceptance or pretending that I didn't care about it was a very good course of action for me.
Finally, as I grew into my own, I stopped caring what others thought, stopped overtly seeking approval and learned to live for myself.
Or so I thought. Fast track to this past week with my sister.... It's amazing how quickly I feel myself sinking back into the same habits, the same thought patterns, the same need for approval. It sort of sickens me really how, even now, approval is something that I would like to have. i thought I was beyond all this. I guess some things never change.

Dealing With Issues - Why Can't I Just Let it Go?

I am on the edge of a cliff facing the great abyss, the chasm of the long goodbye. Every time i feel like I will handle it better this time, I'm more prepared, I can DO this. Yet every time I feel engulfed by all the same emotions: despair, hopelessness, loss of control and so much more. I feel like there are so many emotions bottled up inside me that if I have to deal with just one more, I'm going to explode.
In order to be prepared to do the things that I am going to need to do, I have to first deal with my own issues. Sometimes I feel at a loss as to how I will even do that. At times I feel so overwhelmed that I grasp for even a place to start. I guess I have to come to terms with my own issues and my own feelings first before I can deal with other issues or help others with their emotions.
So here's the thing. I'm hurt, devastatingly so, and I'm angry. I have all these emotions pent up and memories from last year that I thought I had dealt with and moved on from which are apparently still there somehow, like a splinter in my heart that is just festering.
I have all this anger - rationally I know that I shouldn't, but I do. I feel angry that my husband is leaving, even though I know that this is out of his control. I feel angry that so much of our time is shared and we have so little of it to begin with, and worse, I feel angry when he's tired all the time. He makes an effort to spend time with me, but honestly it's like being with a zombie - someone who is only half there. I sense this and I get mad. I get mad because I feel like I shouldn't have to feel second best or take second place, though rationally, I know that for right now at least, I must.
Do you see my conundrum? I GET that what I feel isn't right, isn't rational, but I can't stop feeling it and I can't change it. I WANT TO CHANGE IT, but I just don't know how to let all these feelings go.
Every cruel word - even those I know he didn't mean - they all weigh on my heart. Every careless comment like how it wasn't "worth it" for me to travel to see him, they each weigh on my like a planet of pain and regret. As I said in the past, I know that my man is not the "throw caution to the wind" type, but once, just once - because he loves me, I wish that he would.
I pour my heart out, in letters, in pictures, in blogs and I wonder: does he see? Does he know? Does he understand that it kills me to watch him walk away? Especially knowing that my job is to watch him go with a smile on my face. It seems like an impossible tasks.
How can I let these feelings go? How can I take the anger out of my life that is eating me and my marriage like a poison from inside? I just don't know the answers and I feel like I'm just groping in the dark. Still, I keep searching for a way to find the light. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

Monster In Law

Anyone else here see the movie with J-Lo and Jane Fonda? If you have "issues" with your Mother in law, it is simply a must see! Basic synopsis: over-invovled mother is upset when son becomes engaged to a woman that she does not approve of. MIL then sets out to do all she can to break up the happy couple. When the future daughter in law finds out about all her perspective MIL has been up to, she gets even... and the results are just hysterical. In true Hollywood fashion though, the end was a fairy tale with the two women reaching an understanding. ( Of course the male character, the adorable Michael Vartan, was oblivious throughout of all the machinations going on.)
After seeing this movie, I am CONVINCED that someone has been spying on my MIL and I. The movie clearly shows the battle between the two women for the attention of the man. It's sort of sad really, because it shouldn't be a battle - but it is. At least in some cases. I'm sure that there are some normal mother in laws out there - just not mine.
She isn't a monster, in fact, before I married my husband, I adored his mother. I still do, it's just that she is so needy. Actually needy doesn't begin to cover it, but it's a start. It's all about her son - even my children - her grandchildren are nothing more than "also rans" when it comes to her attention. First is her son, second is her grandson, and those two little girls of mine? Oh yeah - also her grandchildren coming in at a remote third. It's irritating.
I guess what gets me the most is the fact that she presumes to tell me how to love my husband, and she lectures me on who he is. The fact is, she doesn't know him at all, and hasn't for many years. She doesn't understand his cares, his dreams, his life. Not understanding would be fine, what isn't is presuming that she knows it all and than can "straighten me out" on some of it.

Anyhow, this is the month of love, and I promised that I was going to be positive. So today, I love movies that can make me laugh at very difficult situations and relationships in my own life while also giving me a new perspective and understanding. Monster in Law gets two thumbs up.