I Had a Dream Last Night....

When I was younger, I used to dream all the time - vivid, complex dreams that indicated which way I should go in my life. I worked out my troubles in my dreams, made decisions, and created casts of characters there for my as yet unrevealed fictional world. No that I am older, I don't dream the way that I used to. Now I dream of my past and the people I used to know.

Last night I had one of those dreams. I dreamed of a boy that I knew when I was 13 years old. Yes, I was 13 and he was 17 and puppy love doesn't begin to describe it. He lived in our apartment building - downstairs from our apartment. My parents had just gotten a divorce and I was about to get a new stepfather so my life was going through a tremendous upheaval when I first met Mike Simoni. I remember that day very clearly. I was baking cookies with a friend to take to some elderly people that were shut ins that we had adopted. My older sister Lisa - age 17 - was also visiting at the time. My friend, Michelle, and I were in the kitchen covered in flour when there was a knock at the door. I heard a voice ask, "if your daughter is here?" Of course my blonde haired, blue eyed sister went bounding to the door to see what boy was bothering her this time. He took one look at her and said, "No, your *other* daughter." I loved him before I ever laid eyes on him.

He was cocky and sure of himself as I am sure most 17 year old boys are. I had just finished reading The Outsiders and he was my Ponyboy incarnate. He taught me a lot of things in the few years that we knew one another, not the least of which is what it feels like to have a broken heart. When I think of him though, it is always fondly and I wonder where he is now, and I wish him well always. Sometimes when I dream of him, it's like we have bumped into one another at a coffee shop and we update one another about what is going on in our lives. At other times, the dreams are more like memories. Last night was a mixture of both. I remember him the way he was then, I even remember some of the cruelty we put each other through but in my heart, I will always be grateful to that boy for helping me grow up, for showing me what a relationship should and - should not- be. MJS, wherever you are, I still think of you and hope you found happiness. Somewhere deep inside, my 13 year old heart still remembers and from time to time.. thinks of you fondly.

I'm all grown up now - a real woman with little girls of my own. ( And no, I will never, never let them date a 17 year old boy when they are 13!) I have been married to my husband for almost 11 years, but all the boys along the way, the the heartbreaks big and small... they all brought me to this place.

In Honor of the Happiest Days of my Life

I woke up slowly, and as my eyes fluttered open, I could feel gentle rays of sunshine streaming on my face. As I become conscious, I could feel my baby moving inside me, greeting the dawn with me. I had such a sense of peace and contentment. As I stretched, I turned and reached for the man beside me. He was so handsome just laying there still asleep. He looked so peaceful. I remember his smile as he greeted me - warmer than the sun.

We spent the day together - contrary to popular opinion that the bride and groom should not see one another until the ceremony. That wasn't until 6 pm that night, and we didn't' want to be apart that long. At least, I know I didn't.

We had to pick up the flowers and the cake, we basically did the wedding ourselves. We got married at his sisters house - in her gazebo. It really was lovely. My mother in law handled the decor - sunflowers ( at my request) ribbon, etc.... My dress was white - but very free flowing and gypsy like. ( At 8 months along, it sort of had to be!)

I don't think I will ever forget walking down the stairs with my step-dad. I was so nervous. Then, I looked up, and I saw him standing there waiting for me and I knew, I just KNEW, that no matter what, everything was going to be alright. I'll never forget looking into those gorgeous eyes of his as I said my vows, and quietly listening as he said his. I felt the weight of the wedding band as he slipped it on my finger. When he kissed me, I knew it was going to be forever.

So, from now until eternity, March 11th will forever be the happiest day of my life. It is the day upon which, every other moment of happiness in my adult life depends. Without my husband, I wouldn't' have my beautiful daughters, this life we have worked so hard to build together. None of it would be possible.

So, true to my commitment - here are 10 things that I am thankful for today:
1. My husband's slow, sweet smile.
2. My husband's beautiful eyes that you can just drown in.
3. His sweet, gentle and generous manner.
4. I'm thankful for my lucky stars that were shining on the day that he said he loved me.
5. I'm thankful for our beautiful children.
6. I'm thankful for our wonderful home.
7. I thankful for the life that we have worked so hard to build - together.
8. I'm thankful for the way he makes me feel - still giddy after all these years - he can still make me blush with just a look.
9. I'm thankful that I have a partner that I can depend on and who believes in me.
10. I' m so thankful for the 9 years we have had together and I am thankful for the hope of many more.