An Experiment in Gratitude

I have lost my way. I usually have a pretty sunny outlook on life, but lately I find myself floundering. It's difficult to even write because all my stories end the same way. In an effort to shock my system out of it's current emotional paralysis, I am going to do a gratitude experiemnt.
Usually every November I pick one thing a day that I am thankful for. I realize now that it doesn't have to be the month of Thanksgiving to have a grateful heart. I know that when I appreciate my loved ones and all the good things in my life that I am a happier person.
I usually spend my nights as I go to sleep thanking God for all the wonders that he has bestowed. Lately I haven't had much to say to Him. I am either too tired, too lost or just don't know where to start. So here is my experiment. I am starting here. For the next thirty days, I am going to blog about something that I am thankful for. Doesn't sound too hard, right? Here's the hitch though - it can't be the usual, "I'm thankful for my family, I'm thankful for my home" type of stuff. It has to be those small things that you really have to look for in life in order to be truly grateful for them.

Today I am thankful for dovelings. I don't know if that is what baby doves are called, but it is what we call them here in our house. Two years ago, a female dove was hurt nearby. She came, with her mate, to live in our flower garden. She spent the summer here resting and every day he would come with food and watched over her. She was hurt and could not fly. The spent the summer with us, much to the delight of both my children. As the weather got cooler, we wondered what would happen to them. Then, one day, she finally spread her wings and flew away. It was sad and wonderful all at the same time. Sad because we would miss our friends, but happy because, like all birds we knew that they would be happier in warmer climes than wintering here in CT.

As the harsh winter passed and spring came again, we were overjoyed to note that our friends had returned, and this time, something even more wonderful was about to happen. This time, the female had built a NEST. We knew it wouldn't be long before she became a Momma Dove and welcomed new little ones into the world. They say that it's a lucky thing to have doves - that it's a sign of happiness and contentment. Either way, I know that watching her, seeing her babies ( two years running now) and hearing her coo make me feel both happy and content.

I am thankful that she felt so safe and at ease here with us that she choose our yard and our home as a place to raise her own family. I watch for her babies with a vigilence second only to Momma Dove herself. The children know in spring that they can not play in the front flower beds and of course, our puppy is kept well in hand lest he accidentally harm one of the babies. I hope that Momma Dove and her mate will return with their children for many years to come.

Life Lessons from a 5 Year Old

The best thing about a blog is that the author has the ability to vent about their lives, predominantly to people who really don't know them. As I have gone through my entries here, I realize that I have been doing a lot of venting. Most likely I have been doing a lot of venting to my friends in real life as well and honestly, most of it is completely unwarranted. Aside from my father's illness, I truly lead a charmed life. I have a husband who loves me and who I adore. We have two beautiful children together and 13 years of happy memories that we have built our family on. We have a beautiful home. I don't really have a lot of negative things to deal with in my life and yet, sometimes I feel engulfed by it. Then I realized that sometimes ,instead of letting my light shine outward, I open the windows and let the darkness creep in. Instead of thanking God for all the blessings that he has heaped upon my life - none of which I deserve - I curse the light and question Him on the difficulties I do face.
I'm tired of the dark and I don't want to let the negativity into my life anymore. I want to be the one who would rather dance in the rain than drown in my own sunshine, and I want to surround myself with others who feel the same.
Today, I was lucky enough to volunteer in Posh's classroom. Let me tell you, we underestimate our children. They do their best - every day. They love and support their friends - always, and they always remember what is important. On those days where they don't do their best or get angry with a friend, they don't let it get them down. The don't wallow in their own self doubt or pity. They simply get up, dust themselves off and try again. Even when you're five, life is too short for negativity. Yes, we could all learn a lot from our children. My five year old loves truly, deeply, and sincerely - in spite of all my flaws, in spite of everything. It's both humbling and refreshing.
I want to love like that. I want those kinds of friendships. I want that effervescence in my life. And my best realization lately? I *can* have all those things because it all begins with me.

The Committment

I've been reading this wonderful book called "Attitude of Gratitude" and it is making such a difference in my outlook on life. I think that being a grateful person and truly appreciating the things that I have - or being aware of trying to be grateful - is helping me to be a happier person. Gratitude and happiness are something that I really need in my life right now.

In the book, there is a challenge for everyone to write down ten things that they are grateful for everyday, and of course, the idea is to strive for different things, not simply to just repeat yourself everyday. I don't know if I can do it everyday, but at the end of every blog, I am going to try to remember to list 10 things that I am grateful that day. What about you? Are you up to the challenge?

Here are my ten things for today:
1. Super sized tampons. Yes, I know that this is a hell of a thing to be thankful for, but hey, when you need it, you need it.
2. Tylenol - for reason - see number one.
3. Lobster tails - we had some for dinner last night and it was yummy!
4.Family time.
5. My roof - it's built really well and in spite of winds gusting all night long in excess of 80 mph, the roof is still on!
6.Quiet - I haven't had any in several days so lack of it has really made me appreciate the beauty of silence.
7. Curves - I love exercising and the way the endorphins make me feel.
8. Scrapbooking. I was working on mine last night - trying desperately to get caught up.
9. My husbands' arms around me so I won't be afraid when it sounds like the world is falling down around me.
10. Fresh fruit and yogurt - I had that for a snack last night instead of cake. I feel better about myself and I'm proud that I made a healthier choice.

The Best Movie Line Ever...

" You COMPLETE me." You know the movie - Renee Zellwegger and Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire. Love her. Hate him. It's still an awesome line, and if you have ever felt that in your life, you already know how true this statement is.
Yesterday, my soul was once again complete. My husband sailed back into my life with that half cocked smile of his. He just has a way of making everything happy, the sun truly does shine brighter when he's here with me. I can lay down my head at night, and it now longer matters how the wind howls, I know nothing bad can happen as long as he's here with me. It's like his very presence is a bullet proof vest that I wear with such absolute faith and certainty.
Recently, my sister in law has gone through some very difficult and troubling things in her own marriage. I feel so deeply for her. I can't imagine what it is to wake up and never feel safe again. I can't imagine finding out that everything is just one big lie, and not knowing how I could ever get myself out of the web again.
I thank God every night and every day for my husband. He truly completes me. No, he isn't perfect, neither am I, but I think that maybe together... well, together, we come pretty close to perfect happiness. I never want to take that for granted.

The Gift of ONE MORE DAY....

"I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast; for I intend to go in harm's way. "

Yes, this morning I am grateful for the most precious of all gifts. The gift of ONE MORE DAY. One more chance to tell the people that I love how I feel about them. I know that there are so many out there that don't have this gift, so I could never justify taking this one for granted.
This morning I got to feel my husbands warm arms around me, feel his heartbeat against mine and whisper in his ear how much I love him. I was able to look into those big brown eyes and tell him how proud I am of him. I know what a precious gift this is. I know if tomorrow never comes I was able to say it ONE LAST TIME....
I am thankful for the ability to wake up my children this morning. I will look into their smiling faces, get their good mornings kisses, and have one more day to tell them how they each are the light of my life. Without my children, I would be nothing more than a shadow wandering hopelessly through life. They are my joy, my inspiration, they are my immortality. This morning I get to tell them how proud I am of them, how much joy they have brought to my life. As I do, I will thnk of those that can't do the same, and I will hug my children all the tighter as I thank the goodness of the universe for just ONE MORE DAY.
Today both my mom and dad are still with me. I still have time to say thank you for all they have given me in my life. I can tell them that I love them and I can listen to all their life stories..... I still have time to absorb their wisdom. I still have ONE MORE DAY.
ONE MORE DAY is the greatest gift that I will ever get, aside from the love of my family. Who do you have that chance for one more day with today? What will you do to make the most of it?
Thank you so much for my chance for one more day....

Godsped ~ Fair winds and a following sea....