Oh Peggie, What did you Start??

The other day, my friend Peggie blogged about how her little girl is becoming a young woman. He daughter found some "bumps" on her chest. Guess what they were? You guessed it, the beginning of boobs!! Her daughter and Sporty are very close in age, but as I read her post, I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. "That's a long way off for me!"

Yeah, right. Literally, the very next day, my daughter came to me and said, "Mom, I'm having a problem. I found this bump on my chest and it's a little uncomfortable when I press on it." Guess what it was? Yes, you guessed it, the beginning of BOOBS!!! HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN????? Just yesterday my baby was a newborn and now she's getting boobs??? I'm WAY to young for this! I shouldn't have a daughter with booblets - as she calls them.

I told my daughter not to worry and explained to her that her body is changing, this is all perfectly normal. Then she asks if her boobs will be as big as mine! Someone please - get me a martini - QUICK! ( I realize that mine are Fabulous - but she's only 9!) I told her that it will take a while for her body to change. She said, "First my glasses, now this! What's next???" If only she knew..... With an acute case of Bronchitis, yesterday was not the day to answer that question.

So today, I girded myself with the BIBLE for all those seeking to answer these questions: "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret." I had it airmailed. Please, Judy Blume, SAVE ME!!!!!

A Hero's Welcome

No, it wasn't exactly a ticker tape parade - it was just dessert night at our children's classroom. Some time ago, I wrote a journal about a little boy that my daughter was having some issues with in her classroom, it was entitled "The Hidden Cost of War." It turned out that little Jimmy's behavioral issues stemmed predominantly from the fact that his Daddy was deployed to Iraq and Jimmy was rightly scared and angry about it.

In the months that followed, my daughter and Jimmy have become great friends. They have a lot in common - with both of their father's being military. Sporty understands when Jimmy is sad, afraid and sometimes even angry. She has felt all these things too. She fears for her Daddy when he is gone - she worries for his safety. She is afraid that something bad will happen... sometimes she even asks me if her Daddy is going to die. On rare occasions, like when her best friends moved away, she even gets angry. So, Sporty and Jimmy, they were a good fit because they can relate to one another on so many levels that ordinary children just don't understand.

Tonight was "Dessert Night" at school. All the children were to bring a special dessert to share and proudly display all their work from the last semester for their families. It was an especially exciting night for me as I was looking forward to seeing all of Sporty's work, as well as seeing all the work of the other children that I had helped during writers workshop.

Little by little, the parents trickled in. In the haze of confusion, I notice Jimmy come marching into the room. ( He almost always "marches" - like a soldier) Tonight though, there was something different about Jimmy. He was smiling and his eyes were so full of joy, before I knew it, right behind Jimmy stepped a huge man into the room that I had never seen before. I didn't need an introduction to know that this was the man who Jimmy was so proud of.

As the night went on, parents mingled throughout the room. I took my opportunity to introduce myself to Jimmy's father. " Mr. Tulley? I am Mrs. Schultz. My daughter sits next to your son and they have gotten quite close this year. I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you have done and wish you a very warm welcome home!" Do you know, tears actually came to his eyes.

He told me that he had heard all about Sporty and what good friends our children had become. He thanked me for offering to help his wife while he was away. He told me about the horrors of the war. He said that he actually would tell people that he was just home from Iraq - just to hear them say "Welcome Home." Thank you was and is apparently an alien concept to most.

I was proud of Sporty, when the night was over she gave him a big hug and said, "Mr. Tulley, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all you did to protect us. I'm really glad you're home." At least my 8 year old gets it.

As we talked, I relayed to Jason ( that's his name) that my husband was also active duty. Do you know what his big concern was? He was concerned with making sure that the children and I had everything we need. He said, "If you need ANYTHING, you don't hesitate to call. I'm real handy and I'll be glad to help." Once a hero, always a hero, I guess.

So the point is, he didn't get the ticker tape parade that his service and sacrifice rightly demand, but he did have a nice welcome home and the smile on his sons face - worth more than a thousands parades. Now if only we could end this war and bring all our loved ones home...

Who I Was vs. Who I Am

It's funny how throughtout our lives, some things change and some things remain the same. My dad was recently here for a visit. Often, he likes to talk about events, often terrible events, that happened in my past. I hate these little walks down memory lane for many reasons. Primarily I dislike them because: 1. no one likes to be constantly reminded of their mistakes and 2. I'm just not that person anymore.

It's almost as if my life now began at 25. That was the year that my husband and I met. I have grown and changed so much in my life in the 12 years since then, that in many ways, I am almost unrecognizable, even to myself. I hate being compared to the person that I used to be - a person that I'm ashamed of. It bothers me when people who are close to me, especially my dad, sometimes can't seem to notice the difference.

I was painfully shy as a child and this reserve was often misunderstood as aloofness. I hated ( and still do!) loud noises and had difficulty joining in overly affectionate or boisterous situations. I my head and in my heart, I knew what it was when I saw something happening that I believed to be wrong, but standing up and saying something was completely out of the question. I lived my life in books, often preferring their company to that of real people. I guess in some ways that still holds true.

When I met my husband, even when we were just friends, I guess I really was like that flower just waiting to spread my petals and blossom. I believe that I came into my own. Sure, I still have those moments of being shy or reserved, but they are fewer and fewer. Often I am the first among my friends to share my feelings and encourage others to do so. I want to BE the person that I see in my husband's eyes. I want to BE the mother that my children can be proud of.

Yes, I still have a long one to go and many more life lessons to learn. But at least now, when I look in the mirrior, for the most part, I like the woman I see.

Things that I learned from my Teddy Bear

When you think about it, there's a lot that you can learn about life and about being a good friend from a teddy bear. Here are a few things that I have learned.

1. Where you are isn't nearly as important as who you are with.
2. When communicating with a loved one, listening is much more important than talking.
3. There is nothing like the comfort that an old friend provides.
4. A bear hug goes a long way to changing a bad day.
5. Sometimes the most important part of being a friend, is just BEING THERE.
6. It's ok to let your inside stuffing show sometimes.
7. Love will change you, but it won't make you any less beautiful, in fact, it will make you more beautiful in the eyes of those who love you.
8. Everyone needs someone to hold on to.
9. There is no such thing as too many kisses, in the morning, in the middle of the night... time doesn't matter, only love does.
10. Someone has to keep their eyes open all the time!

If we all lived our lives like a teddy bear, I think that the world would be a pretty wonderful place.

Adrift...some times

Do you ever feel like you are just riding the tide of life, hanging on for dear life to the surfboard as all the events around you come crashing down? Honestly sometimes I feel like life sort of happens to me instead of having a proactive role and making life happen.
It's frustrating to feel so out of control, until I remind myself that there is so little in life that we truly have control over. It's all an illusion, isn't it? As time passes, one day seems to bleed into the next, only seperated by the growing laundry list of things that need to get done.
On the plus side, sometimes this makes time go by faster and when you are the one left at home waiting, as I often am, anything that makes the time go by faster is a welcome reprieve.

Honestly, looking back on my life and the mistakes that I made when I was younger, and then looking around me now, I feel so blessed to have somehow been lucky enough to end up here. I have: a wonderful husband, two beautiful, vivacious little girls, a lovely home that I am proud of, both my parents are still with me, and wonderful friends... When I look at things in this way, my heart swells with gratitude and I can put things in their proper perspective.

I suspect that everyone has those days where they feel like life is crashing down around them. We all have those moments of feeling overwhelmed. When my husband is home, I turn to him and share these thoughts and feelings with him. Most of the time, he quietly listens and in all honesty, that is all that is required. Much of the time though, he isn't with me, and in those moments, I either need to find the peace within myself or find somewhere else to turn.

This is where my wonderful friends come in. I know that I can pick up the phone and I can call my friends, and they will be there to love and support me. In turn, I try to do the same for them. What do you do though, when it's the middle of the night and you might feel bad for waking a friend? That's where the internet comes in. It's such a wonderful tool. The computer is always there - your online friends may sign in and out through the course of the day, but they are there. I have a wonderful group on Cafe Mom called Highs and Lows. This is where I share the trials and triumphs of my life and the warm and wonderful women there are always there to uplift one another, support one another and be the proverbial shoulder to cry on. So if you are looking for that in an online community, come and join the group hug! We'd be happy to have you!

What Do You Think?

All my friends have been re- doing their blogs. I guess I caught the fever, though I am not sure what I think about this new layout. I'm not sold that I am going to keep it yet. What do you all think?

Rants and Remembrances on Valentines Day...

So, I'm a little late. It's been a crazy week here. I had water in my basement 3 nights out of 7. Once was the heater, once was my washing machine and once was literally flooding from the deluge of rain we were getting. That's the way the week went, so I didn't have time, or the inclination to share my thoughts on Valentines day sooner.

Nine years ago, my husband took me for a walk on the beach. I knew something was up because he told me that he wanted to get up early and see the sun rise. (My husband is NOT an early riser, I am.) So, we woke up at 5:30 and headed for the beach. It was a beautiful morning in sunny central Florida. We walked along until we found a quiet place to spread our blanket and watch the sun rise. As the sun made it's first appearance on the horizon, my husband took my hand, got down on his knee, and asked me to be his best friend forever - his life partner. I will never forget that beautiful day.

Still, Valentines Day is not a favorite. The holiday itself seems so forced. Any other time of the year, you can get a beautiful bouquet of roses for $29.99 - $39.99. Of course on February 14th, some arbitrary date probably chosen by Hallmark, you can't touch roses for under $50, and that's cheap. I hate the obligatory card and flowers. I would rather have wild flowers, daisys, or sun flowers (my personal favorite) than roses. I would rather have a note, a love letter, a flower - just because than because someone said that February 14th is the "day for Lovers".

Part of my angst about Valentines Day is the fact that my husband is actually rarely around on that day. I think out of the 12 years we have been together, that we have made perhaps 4 Valentines Days together. That's a pretty sad commentary isn't it? It was the same this year. He missed it by a nose. He did leave notes for the girls and I, and a beautiful bouquet of daisies, but all in all, Valentines day seems to have lost that special allure.

I think that every day should be a special day to tell the ones we love how we feel about them, not just one day out of the year. It's like the song (sort of) says...." Don't save it all for Valentines day, give a little love everyday... Holidays have come and gone, but love lives on..." Take the opportunity today to tell your loved ones that you care. You'll be glad you did! I'm off to hug my daughters right now, and maybe play a game of Jenga!