Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Emotional Overload

Lately ever little thing seems to have my emotions on edge - they are just so raw. For example, yesterday, my youngest brought a book home from school for us to read together. The title was "Little Lamb" which seemed inocuous enough. Page one - "Little Lambs mother died". Seriously? It goes on to talk about how little lamb goes after all the other animals in the farmyard looking for a "mother". Finally, a little boy takes pity on little lambs sorrowful cries of "MAAAAA, MAAAAA" and agrees to be his "mother".

My five year old daughter was greatly relieved that little lamb got a new "mother". She then asked if I died, if she would get a new mother? I told her that no one gets another mother. Each of us - every person on the planet - we only have one. We may havve other individuals in our lives who are mother figures but they are not our mother. Certainly they can love us and care for us like a mother would, but no one can replace your real mother.

Skip ahead to last night. My husband and I decide to watch a movie together - something to take my mind off all the things going on in my life. He picks the movie - "Dan in Real Life". It looked like a really cute romantic comedy - until you discover that Dan is a widower and this is all about him falling in love after the death of the "love of his life, his soul mate" less than 4 years before.

Don't get me wrong, 4 years is an awfully long time to be alone, especially when a person is still young and vital. I get it. I know individuals who have been widowed. I don't understand the concept of finding another soul mate. I believe that every person only gets one. Sure you may find another person that you love, in a different way, but if you are lucky enough to find a soul mate - it only happens once. At least that is my opinion - the way that I view love.

I guess I find all this about death about replacing a loved one who has died so disturbing because of the situation that my dad is facing. He is on week 3 of his radiation now, and it has been so difficult for him. He has been so very brave and today, he admitted that he is afraid. I told him that no one lives forever, that what is important is that we live and die on our own terms, but in reality, what do I really know? I'm just a young girl next to him and I don't really know what I am talking about. I'm as afraid to die as the next person.

I don't know what the future will bring. The only things that I know that are certain in this life though? Death and taxes - neither of them very pleasant.


Ann M. said...

I don't think anybody knows what's going to happen, so I think what you said to your dad was a really good response.

And who writes a book like that? I'll be sure to avoid it...