Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Been There, Done That, Got the T-shirt.... A Rant of Sorts

So most of you know that I love my husband. I adore him really. He is my soulmate and my twin flame. But sometimes, just sometimes, all the pistons aren't firing. You know how it is when you get comfortable in life? Maybe things aren't how you would *really* want them to be, but hey, they're close enough and you are satisfied? Well, sometimes that it is the way I feel. Both my husband and I feel satisfied with parts of our lives and well, somewhat less than satisfied in others. Herein lies the problem though - they aren't the same things.

My husband hates his job. He busts his ass everyday to provide for me and our children. I see it, I appreciate it. As a result, he is often tired when he gets home and most nights we wind up sitting in front of the tv ( which is alright) and then going to bed - usually with me wide awake and he sound asleep within minutes. At times it gets to be frustrating.

I am almost 39 years old and yet I feel like I am living the life of a much older woman. At times I don't feel appreciated as a woman. A mother? Yes. A friend? You bet. Hell, even a housekeeper and occasional laundress? Well, good enough. But as a woman? Not quite. Not really.

I was out this morning with friends. We went to get coffee. I put my makeup on, did my hair all nice and straight, the way my husband usually likes it ( when he notices). I could feel the appreciative stares of other men. It makes me feel good that they notice the effort that I took with my appearance. I'm not the girl I was when I was 18, or even 25. I get it. But I do try. I do brush my hair every day, try to make it look pretty, do my makeup, wear nice clothes that flatter my shape.... But to be honest, I can't remember the last time my husband looked at me with that gleam of appreciation in his eye, or told me that I looked beautiful. Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying the looks and smiles of other men, even though it would never, ever in a million years go anywhere beyond that.

You know, they say that vanilla is the finest of the flavors - but it isn't always. Sometimes mint chocolate chip, cookie dough, and even strawberry are also nice. Ok, so that is me speaking in code but the fact is, after 13 years together, our sex life is a little bland. He knows what I like, I know what he likes, and sometimes it feels as if there is nothing new to try or experience in that aspect of our lives together. It feels routine. Ugh. Isn't that a terrible word? In my minds eye, I am a wanton sex goddess, but in my husband's eyes? I'm a almost 40 year old housewife.

Seriously, anyone reading this... all thoughts are appreciated on what you do to keep your love life fresh and interesting. I'm getting depesperate.


Keri said...

First you are not the only one rowing that boat... I feel like I'm pushing against the tide of life quite alot lately.
My hubs and I... potions & lotions ... and some times a new very tasteful nightie seems to light a new flicker for us.
Date nights as well... kids to bed or babysitter and dinner with no distractions but each other.

Ken said...

Have you told him of your need to feel like a pursued/appreciated woman? Yes, he should know, but sometimes you have to tell us guys: "I need to feel like a wanted woman." Tell him you need him to "pounce" on you like a hungry man. Clear up a time/place if you have to.

If you've read my recent entries ("Everything Must Go!"), you know things are "temporarily" lacking in this area in my own life. But I'll try to give you some advice anyway:

You touched on something about being looked at by other men. I can't remember where I read it, but I remember someone advising that if you got "dolled up" and went to a place known as a pick-up spot (with the cooperationg of your husband, of course), and he stayed away for a little while, what he'd see is men looking at you, approaching you. Then he could come in, and "ask you for a date". Most men like to know their wife is desirable to others, too, even though he may get jealous.

Shake things up. Break the routine. If you have kind of a set "choreography", then mix it up.

Try something new, or something you two haven't tried in a while. People's tastes change, so something that wasn't of much interest years ago may feel better now.

Have you ever checked out the website "The Marriage Bed"? There are discussion areas there, too. Also, a couple of books are _Sheet Music_ and _Red Hot Monogamy_. All of these resources are Christian, so they take the approach that sex is for marriage - period.