Monday, April 26, 2010

Everyone's A Critic

One thing I really hate - nitpicking. So I know that some people may not be familiar with that term, I don't know whether it's a northern or southern thing, but basically nit-picking is being overly critical on small items that just shouldn't matter. You ever have that happen to you? It isn't fun, is it?

The worst thing is that in addition to being the victim of overly aggressive critics, as a mother, I realize that I am often one myself. Out of necessity - or what I feel is necessity, of course. I tell my daughters to fix their hair or change their clothes when they aren't up to my expectations. I mean, impressions do mean a lot, but at the end of the day, is it worth the constant criticism?

I bicker with my husband sometimes because instead of the words of affirmation that I crave, what I often get is an unrequested critique - even of my blog and TYPOS for the love of pete! I try never to correct people on typos because, after all, we all have made them. No one is perfect.

I am going to resolve now to stop being so critical of others and attempt to go with the flow a little more. Love is what matters, not perfection. Perfection is something that I'm not even remotely capable of, so I guess I should stick with the small stuff - you know, getting up every day, doing my best, taking care of my family... the day to day dirty work that often goes largely unnoticed and unappreciated. Some one has to do it after all.

So, since I can't change others, I'm going to start with the woman in the mirror. I don't want my daughters to hear some harpy in the head when they think of their mom, I want them to think of the person who loves them most in the world, because after all, we're the same person. As for me, well, I guess I can only hope that maybe when my treatment of others changes, maybe their treatment of me will likewise change.


Carolee / Home4ever said...

Great post- and I resolve to do the same :-)

Found you through Parents Click

Ken said...

There can be an art to criticism that builds up rather than tears down. I need to learn more about how do to that, too.

I read somewhere that it is good to buffer some constructvie criticism between two compliments.

Example: "I like the way you took care of that without being asked to. Oh, could you straighten up your room a little? Thanks. Oh... and your hair is looking good today."

Another way of softening criticism so it doesn't hurt is to give it a different perspective. Instead of "Hey, son, get a haircut!" it would be, "You have such a nice face. Get your hair cut so that everyone can see more of your face."

Then there's being really roundabout. "Obsessive-compulsive cleaning is definitely not one of your problems, hon."