Saturday, November 26, 2011

It's a Question of Trust

Have you ever had something happen to you that bothered you so badly that even though you tried to forget it, it stayed with you and every so often resurfaces at the most inopprotune times? Well, that's what happened to me yesterday.
It was the perfect day. Black Friday, but I didn't have anywhere in particular to be. I spent the day with my girls at the beach - yes, the beach. It was 60 degrees here, sunny and beautiful. We combed the surf for sea glass and just enjoyed being together. The warm air was such a mood lifter until.... I went home.
My youngest daughter wanted to go out to eat. I wasn't exactly all that Keen on cooking. She asked me if we could go out to dinner, I said, "Why don't you ask your Dad". That was pretty much the extent of it. She told him that I wanted to go out to eat instead of saying she did or we both did. Not a big deal but it evolved into the Spanish inquisition with both of us sitting in a chair being asked to relay our version of events. Not only did I feel like a child. but it brought back a very painful memory.
in 2008, my mother in law came to visit. I know, that's always a bad place to start. She accused my daughter of stealing - my then 7 year old daughter. Needless to say, this devolved rather quickly into me telling her what was what. The woman is certifiably crazy and needless to say, when my husband got home from work, her version of events wasn't even close to the truth. Our stories were different so my husband... wait for it, called our then 15 year old babysitter to find out what really happened.
yes, this made me feel like total shit. After all, his mother is a crazy person and he knows that. I don't know. Deep down I don't think he trusts me and that makes me wonder if I can really trust him. So you see, a beautiful day turned to shit all for what? What do you think dear reader, do I just need to get over it?


That gentleman's lady said...

first of all, hugs

things like that can remain with us a long long time after. i've carried a grudge for well over 1/2 my lifetime because of something like this.

I wouldn't say you need to get over this, but I would also say that you need to figure out what the most important thing there is. There is an innate sense within us that the people who are closest to us won't lie to us -- which is why he wouldnt have expected either you or your mother in law to lie to him... hence having to get the story.

But a child :) a child's word is much easily misinterpreted. For you, it seems like what you say being conveyed exactly as it is said is important to you. The reason I say that is because for this to have evolved into the spanish inquisition, I wonder if you protested what your daughter said. Or tried to clarify it to him for whatever reason.

I think on the other hand, it might be important for him too to know exactly what happened and what was said, and also if he were in your place, for his side of the story to be heard. I don't think its so much an issue of trust as it is need to know truth once an issue comes up. If you contradicted what your daughter said, on one hand he could blindly accept what you said as true. Or... he could make both people feel that they are important, and not being dismissed.

It's not worth fighting a battle over, but it IS worth it to understand where both of you are coming from.


zaidenmoma said...

if it still comes up how can you get over it?? i say let him know just how you feel. i am sorry things didnt work out but i do truely believe their is a lesson here for your child to learn.. i hope you have a better week>>

Lucia said...

I would be angry. Hothead.
Seriously to sit you down regarding going out to dinner!
I'd tell him to get over is trust issues. sheesh. hugs!