Sunday, December 28, 2008

Course Adjustments

So I hate using Navigation terminology, but in this case, it fits. Those of you that are in the military will understand what I am talking about - reintergrating your loved one back into your life after they have been gone for so long. It's difficult to say the least.
At first of course, you are so blissfully happy that you go through a honeymoon like phase. Everything is right in the world, everyone is happy and the sex is both frequent and fabulous. Like I said - a honeymoon.
After that though, reality comes back in and often in the most unexpected ways. It started when he was looking for his tools. My step father had been here and helped me fix the garage door that has been in need of attention for three years now. It finally got done but in the process a tool was waylaid. Ok, so we look for the tools, which then becomes an interogation of me and a search of our house. It wasn't comfortable and while I don't mind helping find something that I probably misplaced, I do mind the Spanish Inquisition that goes along with it. Ugh.
It has also been difficult for my husband to adjust to our new family member. How anyone could not adore our little furry puppy at first sight, is of course, totally beyond me. Still, it's an issue. The other night we are at dinner. Sporty share the fact that Ms. Lea's other dog is having puppies. My sweet and loving husband goes Manson on her and yells at her, in the restaurant, "If you ever, EVER, EVER!!!! get another dog they will both be out on the street!" Wow. Then he proceeds to lay into me about getting the dog and how wrong it was. He has a point, I know. Still, if he had given me any inclination that he would even CONSIDER a dog, I would not have done it. I just don't think it is fair that the Navy should put a permanent veto on my children having a dog. Period. Now it hasn't.
What gets me the most about this whole episode is that not once, from the time that I told him about the dog until now, has he ever honestly expressed his feelings. I expected his anger - earlier but he came home and acted like he was blissfully happy and that everything was normal -which all turned out to be a lie. I am also unhappy that he chose to air his dissatisfaction with me in front of my children instead of it being a private discussion between us. That wasn't right.
Now I feel like I don't know what is true and what isn't. I don't know how he really feels about anything because if that is a lie, what else is he just not telling me? I just don't know.


Ann M. said...

Ugh. I hate reintergration!! As much as I know he overreacted about the whole thing with the dog, I'd give it awhile before you bring it up again. This way, he has some time to be adjusted to the changes and you can find out how he actually feels; maybe he doesn't really know yet. He may just be reacting to the fact that things changed while he was gone and he feels like he has no control over the things that go on in the household. It's stupid but they worry when things are different when they get home thhat there are other things we don't need them around for. I'm not justifying his behavior, just passing on things that I've experienced.

I hope things get back to normal again soon and rest of the adjustment period goes smoother!

Half my Heart said...

It took us almost 8 months to get back to a semi-normalness this past time. Now, over a year since he's been back... things are starting to shape back up.

I hate it too... they are so used to this life with us not in it... not sharing details of things they saw or did... that back in family life they tend to hold things back until they explode. Ugh...

Glad he is home safe. (((hugs)))