Do They Get It

This evening my husband and I were watching "Nights in Rodanthe". For anyone that has seen the movie or read the book, you know it is an amazing, heartfelt book about finding love and how love can save us.
I sat there with my husband, enthralled by the story while he seemed like he would rather be having a labotomy. His response to stories like this always makes me wonder whether it's him, or whether men ( most men anyway) just don't feel things like women do. It's frustrating.
I honestly feel like my husband and I have a love tht is unique and amazing - something that most people don't have. But at other times, I wonder if I feel that way about him and I think that he feels the same way about me and it's really just an illusion because he's just not capable of feeling the depth and breadth of what I feel. There must be some men who feel it, even if they can't articulate it. I mean some of the worlds greatest poets: Shelley, Byron, Browning... all men. Heck, even Nicholas Sparks ( who wrote Nights in Rodanthe is a man, though I must say he channels female better than anyone I have ever seen.)
There is a scene in Willow - you know, the sci-fi, fantasy movie Willow - where Mad Martigan says to Sorcha, " You are my sun, my moon, my star-lit sky. Without you, I dwell in darkness...." Every woman wants to be her mans sun, moon and star-lit sky. Every one of us. Occassionally it would be nice to have that vocally articulated. Not everyday, but occassionaly, yep, I could go for a healthy dose of Mad Mardigan.

The Thing I'm Grateful for Today? It's a No Brainer...

Warm Arms, Happy Hearts

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's weird because when I was young, I just didn't get it. I viewed it as a day where nothing really happened but dinner, it seemed sort of like a waste. It's hard for me to believe it now that I used to view things that way. At any rate,I understand it now. Maybe it is like that for everyone - something you only truly appreciate later.
I usually blog about the things that I am thankful for during the month of November. This month I'm off to a slow start thanks to the Swine flu, but better late than never.
After three very long years, my husband is finally on shore duty. I can't explain how wonderful that feels, but I know that many who read this blog are military wives, mothers, and members, so you all will understand. As a friend said to me today, "you always feel like you are on borrowed time." So true. Even now, I am faced with the knowledge that some time, some day, I will have to give up my husband again. I know we choose this life and I wouldn't have another, but it is still a sacrifice to watch him go.
This year, I am extremely grateful for the warm arms that surround me every night. He may have to work during the day, but every night, he's here at home with me and our children, where he belongs. It's wonderful to do all the things as a family that we want to. It's wonderful to do the simple things that most people take for granted, like having someone to share popcorn and cuddle with while watching tv, or just sharing the silence at night with. Even the soft, even sounds of his breath while he sleeps is something that I am so grateful for. If I can hear it, that means he's close... and I'm not lying in bed alone - imagining him next to me instead.
I never want to forget how grateful I am, how much I appreciate him. I love that man. I love the family we have made together and I never, never want to take him for granted. Warm arms around me certainly do make for two very happy hearts.

The Big Apple

New York is a strange city full of the complex contrasts found in all of humanity - the best and worst, the beautiful and ugly.... New York has it all. You always hear about how rude New Yorkers are. We certainly experienced that - from the man who literally crawled over me at the subway, to the fat youths who refused to give up seats on the subway to the elderly, rudeness appears to be a common fabric in the thread of every day New York life. And yet, there is kindness there too, all the more appreciated because it is often so unexpected. In the middle of a museum as we prepared to head back into the city, a security guard noticed us and with a smile, asked if there was anything he could do to help - anyway that he could make our visit to his city more enjoyable. What a breath of fresh air his kind concern was.
And speaking of fresh air, there isn't much of it in the downtown areas of the city. The air seems to have a dunk and desperate scent almost impossible to describe. Going down into the subway, leaving the sun and light, I felt the edges of the darkness grab on to my coat and the despair clawed at my skin and hair. I didn't want to go down there. And yet, there in the depths of the city, we found an ancient Japanese man playing music on an equally ancient Japanese instrument. His song was so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. I have never heard music like that, and doubt that I ever will again. New York once again showed her dual personality to me.
The city is dirty and crowded, a place that I couldn't imagine spending more than one night. And yet, Uptown, by Central Park, the walkways are spacious, clear and pristine. The Park itself is a haven in the heart of the city. Looking at the golden tulip tress there, I could almost understand where JRR Tolkien could have gotten his inspiration for the forests of Lorien, it was that magical. I loved Central Park in the fall, it was simply breathtaking. I would like to see it in the other seasons as well.
The city is full of fashionistas and fashion victims, the hopeful and the homeless, the talented and the repressed. Any writer experiencing a block should go to the city because one is sure to experience the breath of humanity and human emotions there.

Recent Reads

My russian fascination continues - this time with a thrilling story about a thief, a deserter and some eggs. It's a gripping tale that will make you laugh, cry and see the true nature of war. I loved it from start to finish.

This one was a book club selection. I was hesitant at first, and though it isn't heavy lifting, it was definitely enjoyable and well worth the read. It's quick, probably only took me a day or two. I loved the interaction among the family members and the relationships in the book provided colorful fodder for discussion.



Another book club selection. I had never read Agatha Christie before, which seems strange even to me. This one was a real treat for Halloween, even if it was a little predictable toward the end. I thoroughly enjoyed it.


Anne Rice is still the master storyteller. I read this one years ago during my vampire fascination and it was - by far- my favorite Anne Rice book. I loved it so much that I choose to revisit it for Halloween. I have always wanted to visit Egypt and have forever been fascinated with the Pharoahs so this one is just pure fun from start to finish.



For all my Sci-fi/fantasy fans out there - if you haven't read Sara Douglass you need to. She is a rarity in the genre - a truly original voice. Check her out, she is very prolific and all the books are good.

You can see that I have been reading for fun lately. You will also see more YA books going on my Have read list because I am now doing a discussion group with my daughters fifth grade class - (it's Amazing!!) Up next? Elsewhere, Tell Me Where It Hurts, The Murder of King Tut and more.....

Sometimes You Just Have to Show Up

I don't know if I mentioned this here yet, but I am the class mom for my 5th graders class again this year. I know, just call me "sucker". Still, I love being invovled with the school and most importantly the children. Even as they grow into preteens, they still like knowing that someone cares enough to show up.

So last week, I sent home a flyer asking for donations to make our Halloween party for the children special. I'm not asking for goodie bags or huge donations - simply some juice pouches, cookies, cupcakes, the usual for a class party. Obviously the party is next Friday and while the flyers have been out for over a week now, and the deadline for turning them in is rapidly approaching, I still only have three that have been returned. Three parents out of twenty have stepped forward to volunteer just a little of themselves to make their child's day a little better. Sort of sad, isn't it? I mean, I am certainly grateful for those three, but where the hell are the seventeen other parents? Does it really take such a huge time committment out of your day that you can't fill and return a form? Are people really so apathetic that they are simply satisfied to sit by and let others do all the heavy lifting? What message does this send to our children?

I feel so blessed that every Friday I get to spend an hour of my day with these amazing children. I know that not everyone has the same opportunities that I do. I know that people have to work and often can't be there even though they would like to be. But really, 20 napkins is too much to ask?

I wish these parents could see the faces of their children when I walk into that room every Friday. I wish they could see the way their faces light up, or the ways the girls will just come by and give me a hug. It's magic. All these children want is someone to show up, and let them know they care and that can happen in so many ways - volunteering, spending time with them doing their homework, donating items to the classroom and simply making time for them. They do still need that in their lives and the depth of their response to those that they know really care about them - breathtaking. I know I'm lucky, I just wish that a few more people would take just a few minutes to show up.

Surely Not My Daughter

It reminds me of that 60's song..."She looks like an angel, walks like an angel, talks like an angel.... but I got wise.... She's the devil in disguise." Ok, so maybe not the devil per se but my little angel came home with some very unexpected news from First Grade.

As she sits herself down to the kitchen table for her afternoon snack today, she nonchalantly tells me that she needs to buy Mrs. Jeffrey some new crayons. Come again?? "Any why, pray tell, would you need to do that?" I calmly asked. "Oh, because I snapped some crayons in half today." HUH??? My sweet little angel that likes to wear twirly dresses and dance went on some sort of bender and snapped a bunch of crayons in half? What the heck is going on??

I asked, "Did you break the crayons by accident, pressing too hard while coloring".."Not exactly...." "Well, how exactly did you break them, or better yet, why??" "Ethan M. told me to." I don't think that anything could have made my blood boil more than the preceeding statement. After all, my daughter is desended from a long line of Irish bare-knuckled fist fighters. Snapping the crayons because someone had the audacity to tell her that her coloring sucked is something that I could at least understand if not condone, but this... Oh this was totally unacceptable.

"What if Ethan M. told you to cut off your hair with scissors, would you do that?"
"Mom, don't be silly...." Well how is one thing silly and the other isn't, I ask you???
So, the end result is that my little princess will have to give up three weeks worth of ice cream money to pay for the new crayons, in addition to a hand written apology that she will deliver tomorrow while also giving a heartfelt in person apology. I told her that this was unacceptable, and I explained why. After all, my husband and I work hard to teach our children right from wrong and the Ethan M's of the world aren't going to stand in our way!

On a serious note, Ethan M. can hardly be held responsible because, while he may have planted the seed, it was my tiny little dancer that did the crayon snapping.