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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Surreal

This whole week has been so surreal. I have looked at my husband's face - staring at him - trying to remember every freckle, every curve in his dimple when he smiles. I have felt his arms around me and tried to memorize the way my head fits against his shoulder.
For days - no, actually months now, I have put off thinking of the inevitable. I haven't faced the magnitude of the next several months alone. I won't get to see his face, hear his voice, feel his lips on mine... I hate it when he's away.
Sure, the kids and I survive. We focus on staying busy and doing fun things. That takes up my day, but at night, when I am all alone and the house is quiet around me, the magnitude engulfs me.
I know that I can do it - I can take care of the things that need to get taken care of. I can deal with being a temporarily, sort of, single mom. I just miss having my partner beside me to share my life.
I actually got to tell him last night how proud I am of him, and I even managed not to cry. I sent him off today with a smile, like I should, even though inside I was dying as he walked away.
I keep telling myself that every day from now on is one day closer to home. Now this difficult time has started, the goodbyes are over for now, and all that is left is the waiting. Still not my favorite aspect of being a Navy wife, but hey, homecoming is definitely something to look forward to, no matter how far away it is right now.

4 comments:

Ann M. said...

I hate this time, when they first leave. Ugh. I always tell myself the same thing--that once he is gone, every day is one day closer to him coming home. Eventually, I think we all get into a routine, but at the beginning it can be so hard. I am proud of you for not crying, though! Keep your chin up and stay busy. And we're here for you when you need us.

Just Angela said...

I'm here for you if you need me. You're one of the strongest women I know.

Roe said...

Hey sweetie, I'm thinking of you. You can always call me on one of those nights when you're feeling engulfed. I'll be one of your bubbles.

Chaos Mommy said...

I know he's gone by now, but sending my hugs and love to you and K and E. Take care, Honey!!! You have lots of people "here" for you.