Sunday, September 14, 2008

It's that Pivotal Moment

First let me just say that I can't believe it has been this long since I have blogged. As a person who uses their writing to process.... going this long just seems wrong in some way. I have been swamped with work, and so tired at night that crawling into bed is about all I can do. Still, I realize that I need to make more time for myself and especially my writing, so here it goes...

I was thinking about pivotal moments the other day... you know, those moments where everything in your life changes. I have had a few in my life. I'm sure we all have.

I guess the first really major one that I remember was watching my kitten get abused. I know this will surprise the people who truly know me, but I was in an emotinoally and physically abusive relationship for five years. It didn't start out that way - it never does. I thought that I could change him. I believed that if I just showed him that love is constant that he would find the strength and the courage to change his life. I was so wrong. Things didn't get better for us - they just got worse. We met when I was 15 - young, niave and vulnerable. ( I wish that he could see the woman that I am today, the woman that I am in no small part because of what I suffered at his hands)
At any rate, I came home from work one day, and I found him and a friend abusing my kitten. My kittens name was Stripe and in a hopeless life, he was the one thing that gave me joy. As I watched the kitten get abused - I felt a well spring inside me - one that I didn't know existed. I immediately intervened and saved the kitten. For some reason, I knew that I had to save that small, helpless creature, but in reality, he saved me. For some reason, I could do for that kitten what I couldn't do for myself - WALK AWAY. I walked and though I looked back on occassion, the important thing is that I never turned around.

The pivotal moment of my life - the first time our eyes met across a crowded room. When my friend introduced me to him, I knew he would change my life forever, though I couldn't have at that moment, ever have imagined how. Three years later, I looked into those same brown eyes and promised to love him forever and I know that I will. No matter what happens, no matter what the future holds, this much I know is true.... my husband is the only man I have ever truly loved, and he is the only man I ever will truly love. That night that we meet- every second of my future balanced on that night, though I didn't know it then.

Since then I have watched him draw solar systems in the sand, seen him become a father, I have sent him off to war in places that I may never know.... We have grown up together and I hope to grow old together. But whatever the future holds for us, he is my soul mate - the only one I will ever have. Without that night all those years ago, I don't know where I would be today. Sad, lonely, unhappy all those things probably. Well, I guess it's just like the song says... "what's meant to be will always find a way" and I feel so blessed that it did.

There are so many days that each of us face that pivotal moment. Open up your heart and embrace them, because they truly do shape the future.