Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Are men really from Mars? I dont' think so....

I know that we women often comment on how different men are from us. I know that men do this too. But are we really so different? Sometimes I think we are more alike than we even realize. I definitely don't think we are from different planets.
I think that women and men both have a lot of misconceptions about one another.

I realized this the other day when my husband told me that he was worried about some things in our future. You see, I always thought of him as being so self assured, so confident and collected. I really didn't realize that he worried over certain types of things - like our house, his job, time away from the family. I was so taken aback and I guess that I shouldn't have been. It made me feel so selfish because I get so caught up in my own cares and concerns that I often don't think of his. Actually, to be totally honest, outside of his job, I didn't really think he had any concerns.

I was talking with some friends today and we were talking about men. It was all in good fun, but many of these misconceptions came up. You know the generalizations that I am talking about because we have all have heard them. Men can't do laundry, they don't think things through, they don't plan for the future, they don't multi - task, etc..... Maybe my husband is an anomaly, but he does all of these things. Even the laundry, and yes, he even manages to not turn our underwear pink. ( It's a good thing since I am sure he would get ragged on no end about that on the submarine.)

I do think that there are some fundamental differences in the manner in which men and women communicate. For example, men like to "fix" things. They don't really understand our need to vent. Girlfriends really are better for venting. Trust me on this. Another thing, if you give a man ( or if you are a man reading this the opposite would be true for you) a task to do which they do not normally do, IE the laundry, you must give them explicit instructions, even things that you may think are obvious and take for granted that they know. Be specific. In my relationship it would be the same if my husband were telling me how to fix my computer. He would have to be explicit and take me step by step, otherwise something bad would be bound to happen.

Men don't have hidden meanings in the things they say the way that women do. Come on ladies, to be totally honest you know that we all have mastered the art of the backhanded compliment. How many times have you walked away from a conversation with another women - in my case especially my in-laws - where you find yourself saying, "what did she mean by that?" In my limited experience with men, they say what they mean. There is no hidden context. If there are any guys out there reading this, you can correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't like veal means I don't like veal not I dont' like the way you fix it, my mothers is much better.

I also think it is sad that men seem to be hardwired by society to hide their feelings, their cares and concerns from their loved ones. Maybe they are afraid of not being "manly". I think it is up to us to make them feel secure enough in our relationships that they can confide these things honestly and openly.

I just think that we get so caught up in our differences that we forget those things that bring us together, that make us the same. We all want to be happy, we all want our children to grow up to be healthy and safe, we all want to know love.... I guess we are all Earthlings after all.


navywife6 said...

Snow I think the ONLY real difference is women tend to be more verbal about our feelings....maybe we drive them to NOT saying anything because we are so open? I don't know, but can't help but love 'em now can we LOL.

smiley_netta said...

I was JUST getting ready to say the EXACT same thing that navywife6 said! And as to your husband (and mine) being able to successfully do the laundry....I think part of that is due to them being in the military. All their uniforms have to be done a specific way. They learned how to do laundry in basic, if they didn't know how to previous to that!

SkeinGoddess said...

Why is it that we women veil the meaning of our words sometimes? Is it fear, striving to be demure,something else? Even when I do it I wonder 'why did I do that?' Why not just be open? This is one thing I really admire about men, if it's a duck they call it one.

Half my Heart said...

Having a husband that also cleans, cares and cooks... I can understand your point. However, men do tend to compartmentalize life - separate work from home, play, family - put them each in a box... whereas women lay it all out on the line and merge all areas of life. (Did that make sense?)

A great book is "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldman (not sure if I spelled her name right, google it)