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Saturday, December 8, 2007

From the Thrill of Victory to the Agony of stay at home motherdom

Today was just one of those days. Emotionally I was all over the page: ecstatic, angry, sad, proud, discouraged, lonely and frustrated. I'm sure there are a few that I missed.....
I heard from my husband today. His crew got an excellent on their latest evaluation which is just HUGE. I am so excited about it and so proud of him. When something like this goes so well, it almost makes the time away meaningful somehow. I know it was such a tremendous relief for him and now, hopefully, he will be able to enjoy our family and our holiday time together.
On the downside... my daughters. My goodness, I have no idea what is with them today. If I didn't know better I would think that some changelings came in the middle of the night and took my children. They were both so miserable and full of drama today. It seems liked the entire morning was one big constant battle over a game, a barbie, a snack, who sat where.... in short, they argued over everything and it is making me CRAZY.
My dad used to have a friend that he played poker with while he was in Korea. Anyhow, one day Slav ( the friend) asked my dad for a loan. My dad said, " Slav, what's the money for?" to which Slav replies, " My wife needs a vacation from my kids..." Oh boy can I relate to how she must have felt. I love my children but today, I could really use a vacation.
When they argue and bicker like that, I feel like such a failure as a mother. Almost like they haven't heard a word I said. Then my oldest daughter said the word " damn" today and that made me feel like shit. I know she got that from me, my cursing just gets awful when their father is gone. I really need to work on it. So, today thrilled for my husband.... devastated over my own short comings as a mom. Ever have that kind of day??

5 comments:

Keri said...

You mean like every other day???
Some people think it is so fun and easy to be a stay at home mom, but sometimes i think it is more mentally draining than people think. Your little ones get you at all times, good, bad, and the ugly. It can be very lonely also if you don't have any other activites or parents to visit with. I know, i am stuck inside till after the winter cold season due to my new son being a preemie... going stir crazy and super lonely...
and... ava said dammit the other day too... ya, made me feel about an inch tall...
hang in there - you're not alone ! and your feelings are normal !

Roe said...

Oh, sweetie, I know what you mean!! Sometimes I even go so far as to say (to Mike, not to the boys) that I should have kept my first apartment on retainer so I'd have a place to escape to every now and then!

The boys are full of drama, too. I think they're both old enough now to figure out how to push each other's buttons - and it sounds like that's where your girls may be at.

You're not alone! And sometimes, feeling like you're stuck indoors with two drama queens can wreck your psyche. Just stay as sane as possible - and I will say that a well-placed, teeth-gritted utterance of "Stop it... NOW." can help. :)

Nikki said...

I know how you feel and I think this can be summed up in one word: Christmas. Yup, children everywhere are turning into heathens at the drop of a hat right now because you do know we are 2 weeks away from Christmas eve? In my house, pretty much all hell breaks loose until the big day (that and we have birthdays too).

Plus, the weather is not so fun so they are cooped up and blah... we already had our first snow day and my kids got kicked outside... "to cool off". :-D Hang in there dear, I'm completely feeling for you!

Half my Heart said...

ALL THE TIME! Don't beat yourself down. Even though the bickering can be weathering on ANY day... it is especially tough when you are acting as both parents. Hang in there girl!

Jenn said...

Snow you should know from reading my journals that I have these days frequently. Had one yesterday as a matter of fact.