Some Thoughts On Firsts

My friend Tanya runs one of my favorite groups on Cafemom, it's called Soul Journey. Anyhow, a couple of days ago, she wrote a post about powerful first that happen in our lives and she wanted us to share. Tonight I wanted to share some firsts from my life that changed everything.

I can remember the first time I told him that I loved him. I had to do it in a letter. As usual, the words just wouldn't come any other way. He was my best friend. He had been for over three years and I was scared. You know, butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, and feeling like you are going to barf any minute scared. I was worried that he didn't feel the same way. I was concerned that by telling him how I felt, it would change our friendship forever and not for the better.

It all started with a song. Everyone that is important to me in my life has a song. Weird, I know but true. He asked what his song was. It's Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses by U2. He asked me to explain, which I did in the letter. Here are some words from the song, for those who may not know it:
You're dangerous 'cause you're honest
You're dangerous, you don't know what you want
Well you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
For any spirit to haunt


You're an accident waiting to happen
You're a piece of glass left in a beach
Well, you tell me things I know you're not supposed to
Then you leave me just out of reach


Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna fall at the foot of thee?

Well you stole it 'cause I needed the cash
And you killed it 'cause I wanted revenge
Well you lied to me 'cause I asked you to
Baby, can we still be friends?

Anyhow, I was the one who fell at his feet. I prostrated myself with words finally telling him how I felt and I waited breathlessly, hopelessly for his response, agonizing over whether I had done the right thing.

We went to the mall. I thought that had to be the kiss of death. He wanted to buy a shirt. So we went and got the shirt. We spent hours driving around, talking about everything and nothing all the while ignoring the elephant in the car so to speak. Finally, he mentioned the letter. " I read your letter", he said. He leaned over took my hand, looked into my eyes with those brown eyes of his and said, " I love you too." That night we had our first kiss. I will never forget it. It was on the beach. "You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth" by Meatloaf was playing. That kiss was full of hope, promise, dreams, the future.... With that kiss, my life began. It was like being reborn.

From that day to this, my love for my husband has never wavered, never faltered. Yes, we have our arguments, disappointments, disagreements, but through it all he remains my twin flame, my other self. It's wonderful to think about these precious moments and reflect on them in my heart. I can never get those firsts back, but I think of the others that we have had, and still others yet to come.

All can be traced back to these. Sorry to wax poetic tonight, but he is weighing so heavily on my heart today. Wherever you are my darling Robert, I love you with all my heart, and I always will.