Who I Was vs. Who I Am

It's funny how throughtout our lives, some things change and some things remain the same. My dad was recently here for a visit. Often, he likes to talk about events, often terrible events, that happened in my past. I hate these little walks down memory lane for many reasons. Primarily I dislike them because: 1. no one likes to be constantly reminded of their mistakes and 2. I'm just not that person anymore.

It's almost as if my life now began at 25. That was the year that my husband and I met. I have grown and changed so much in my life in the 12 years since then, that in many ways, I am almost unrecognizable, even to myself. I hate being compared to the person that I used to be - a person that I'm ashamed of. It bothers me when people who are close to me, especially my dad, sometimes can't seem to notice the difference.

I was painfully shy as a child and this reserve was often misunderstood as aloofness. I hated ( and still do!) loud noises and had difficulty joining in overly affectionate or boisterous situations. I my head and in my heart, I knew what it was when I saw something happening that I believed to be wrong, but standing up and saying something was completely out of the question. I lived my life in books, often preferring their company to that of real people. I guess in some ways that still holds true.

When I met my husband, even when we were just friends, I guess I really was like that flower just waiting to spread my petals and blossom. I believe that I came into my own. Sure, I still have those moments of being shy or reserved, but they are fewer and fewer. Often I am the first among my friends to share my feelings and encourage others to do so. I want to BE the person that I see in my husband's eyes. I want to BE the mother that my children can be proud of.

Yes, I still have a long one to go and many more life lessons to learn. But at least now, when I look in the mirrior, for the most part, I like the woman I see.