Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The More Things Change.... The More They Stay the Same

All my life, my relationship with my sisters can best be labeled "strained". I have two older sisters, who happen to be identical twins. They are five years older than me, blonde, hair, blue eyes, Christy Brinkley look alikes. Scary. It was a lot to live up to, being their sister, and somehow, I never quite measured up.
I guess at some point I stopped trying and became the "antithesis" to all things that they were or that I thought they were. Neither seeking acceptance or pretending that I didn't care about it was a very good course of action for me.
Finally, as I grew into my own, I stopped caring what others thought, stopped overtly seeking approval and learned to live for myself.
Or so I thought. Fast track to this past week with my sister.... It's amazing how quickly I feel myself sinking back into the same habits, the same thought patterns, the same need for approval. It sort of sickens me really how, even now, approval is something that I would like to have. i thought I was beyond all this. I guess some things never change.


Ann M. said...

I have a brother like this--the younger one. Normally we don't get along AT ALL and I don't care what he says about anything. But if I'm home for a couple of days, I find myself looking for approval from him on some things. I don't get it either. I wish I had some advice on this, but I don't. Just thought you might want to know you're not alone in doing this.