Friday, April 25, 2008

Another Interesting Study... When We Say NO, They Hear Yes

So a communications professor just did some interesting ( and very unscientific) research at UC Davis. He canvased the campus asking over 1000 men and women what different phrases in their relationship meant to each of them. He spent a lot of time talking about what a man hears when a woman says no. Interestingly enough - the majority of those interviewed seemed to think that no meant - "get busy because I'm tired" or that no means " maybe, I just need a little convincing."

Some other interesting miscommunications between men and women?
She says, " I'm invovled with someone else." He hears, " I still want to hook up with you, just discreetly".
She says, " I just want to be friends". He hears, " I still want to have sex with you, just no committment."

Communication between the sexes is a minefield. I'd be the first one to admit that there is a lot going on between what a woman says and what she is also communicating on a unspoken level. That said though, my husband knows when I say, "I tired" it doesn't mean "Try harder" or "convince me" it means - "That isn't happening tonight. Period."

Why do we - women and men - read so much into what one another is saying that may or may not be there? Guys, for your own protection, if you are with a woman and she says no, assume she means NO. Any other thought on your part can lead to some very serious repurcussions. These types of studies just reflect how rare candor is in our society, especially in the dating pool.

For all you men out there, here's a translation of what a woman really means. Ladies, I think you will enjoy this too:
Nine Dangerous Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to 3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to 3.


Rural Writer said...

So true, so true. Thankfully, we can always count on our Snow Maiden to bright the plight of the female American to the fore front. Brava!! LOL!

Ken said...

One problem is that men have been taught that persistence pays off. (Another, problem, of course, is that so many men thinks the world revolves around them, and that every woman who isn't frigid wants to sleep with them). One of the worst things anyone can do is give intermittent reinforcement. Sometimes, a woman says no to a man, but then "gives in" a little bit later.

I think I've made it clear on my blog (maybe I did it elsewhere), in my advice to guys: If she says "no", "don't", or "stop", TAKE HER AT HER WORD, no matter what she is doing. If it is a date and all the guy is interested in is sex, he should promptly leave at the that point, and not try to get her to change her mind.

Oh, as for "Nothing!"... I got to the point where I told my girlfriends (including the one who became my wife) that if she uses that one, I will take her at her word and go on my merry way, and expect her to be pleasant and agreeable. It has worked so far. I mean, if something IS wrong, she'll eventually tell me anyway. I'm not going to kill myself trying to get to it sooner rather than later.

Roe said...

This is pretty much a list of my total utterances for the day. ;)