Sunday, March 16, 2008

Empty Words, Broken Promises

So you all remember "THE INCIDENT" from the other day - the huge blow up that my MIL and I had over the dream catcher accusation. I know, maybe initially it seemed like such a small thing. Had she just once said, "You're right, I should have immediately come to you..." the whole situation would have diffused. But of course, that isn't what happened.
After "THE INCIDENT", my husband and I sat down with my MIL to see if anything at all could rectify the terrible situation. After an hour of yelling, Robbie finally hashed things out with his mother, but that still hadn't left me feeling any better about the situation. He came into our room, looked at me with those eyes of his and asked me if there was any way that I could forgive his mother. I knew that for him and for our daughter, I could and I would.
I went in to talk to her, with him present. I specifically asked that the "INCIDENT" never be mentioned to our daughter again - not a mention, not an I'm sorry, not anything.... unless Robbie or I were present. I asked her if she understood and I told her that this was imperative.
THAT SAME DAY, while I was home, she took my daughter aside and mentioned it!!! Sporty just looked at her and said, "I'm not allowed to talk about this without my mommy or daddy being here." Thankfully that ended it. However, here's the thing... nothing, not a single word that woman says can be trusted or believed.
What is the definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I've been the one who is insane. I've been the one who continues to think that somehow things will magically change, instead of understanding and accepting things for how they are.

I can't make my husband chose between his mother and myself - no matter how much I would like him to, that wouldn't be right or fair of me.
By the same token, that woman has proven over and over again that she can neither be believed or trusted. Going forward, she will never be left alone with my children. How sad is that, that I don't feel safe leaving my children alone with their grandmother? Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
Further, I am the one who makes all the arrangements, pays for the plane tickets, and propels all this to happen. Why? Because I understand her need to see her son. I can't imagine going a year without my child - no matter how old they are. Still, I won't make that mistake again. Any arrangements, planning, tickets, etc... from now until forever, will have to be done by someone other than me. The time for insanity has past and I am moving on.

I have given my MIL too much power. I have allowed her to make me feel a certain way, upset me to the point of being sick, and she has reeked havoc on my marriage. No more. She will never have that power again. I decide how to react to her, and I will empower myself, not turn the power over to others.

You know what? I am going to survive the next nine days. I am going to love my children and my husband. And most of all, I am going to hope to never have to go through this again. If I do, it won't be my own doing, that's for certain.