Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Struggling to find my balance.

So here we go again. Husband here. Husband gone. I swear that I am the equivalent of a human yo- yo. I'm so tired of it. I hate the emotional ups and downs. Even worse, this time, departure day coincided with my periods arrival. Nice, huh? I feel like I am emotionally spiraling out of control and I am really struggling to get back some sense of balance. I hate feeling like I'm ok only to have the rug pulled out from under me.

I hate it when my husband leaves. It's like watching teh world go two shades of grey darker only to wait some untold amount of time for the sun to come back. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's how I feel. Yes, I have my life and it goes on when he isn't here, but nothing is the same without him.

Still, trying to focus.

So there are 30 days from today until Thanksgiving. I can't tell you how I am looking forward to Thanksgiving! Every year my daughter and I write a Thanksgiving journal. That's 30 entries - one for each day - of something different that we are thankful for. I hope that trying to approach life with a more grateful heart will help me find the peace of self and balance that I am looking for.

Ok, so today, in another forum I wrote a post about how I was thankful for my husband and all he does for our family. It was a beautiful post but since I am already all teary, I just can't go there again.

Let's think of something else. I am thankful for my beautiful home. As I walk from room to room, it fills me with pride and a sense of security, warmth and happiness. For the past year, my family has filled this home with love and happy memories and I am so grateful for that. I am grateful that my daughters have a home that they can be proud of, that they can be safe.
That's a really important thing to be thankful for.