Friday, October 12, 2007

Words as Weapons

Just two little words - they seemed harmless enough - but they were enough to completely devastate a friend of mine. The words were, when asked if her husband had settled when he married her - his response was, " A little...." Needless to say, she was crushed and rightfully so. It's amazing how just a few little words from the one we love can do so much damage.
The other day, I was asking my husband about the things that he wanted to do before he died. I was asked this question on an Internet group and my answers were, in no particular order: watch my children grow up and graduate from high school and college, be a grandmother someday, go back to Ireland, see Scotland and England, go on a cruise to Alaska, swim with the dolphins, renew my wedding vows, celebrate 25 plus years together and write a book. His answers looked very different. Maybe it's a man thing, but his answers were: be an astronaut, be financially independent, and travel more. Now, is it me? Because upon reflecting on my answers and his, I realize that none of his answers involve me. He doesn't need me to achieve any of the things that he would like to do before he dies and this realization made me sad.
Today my friends pain brought me back to a memory that I wish that I could bury forever, never to see the light of day again. My husband and I were arguing. Yes, for those of you who wonder, we do occasionally do that. We were arguing about the thing that we always argue about - our sex life. Too much information, I know. He said some things that night - things that went straight to my heart and etched themselves there. I know that I will never forget them, no matter how much I want too.
That is what hurtful words do. They carve themselves in the heart of your loved one and they stay there forever. Every time your loved one feels doubt, or fear, those words will always be there. No amount of wishing or apologizing will ever make them heal.
A priest once told me to be careful what I said in anger, because words, once uttered could never be taken back. I am still working on that... sometimes I say things in anger that I regret, but I try to never speak in anger. I try.


Anonymous said...

What a very true thing, words do hurt no matter what the saying says, sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me. I don't know who came up with that but they were sure wrong. Words do hurt.

And Snow, I think it is a man thing, so don't let it pull you too down.