Friday, October 5, 2007

The Trouble with Expectations

My husband made it home today. It is so wonderful to have him here- no matter for how long. For a while we can all pretend to be a normal family, even though deep down the fact that it's only temporary is with us all.
Sometimes when he comes home things feel weird for a while. It' s like so much has happened in my life and while I can tell him, it isn't the same as living it together. It's even worse with his life because there are some things that he just can't share. Sometimes it's like being in love with a familiar stranger.
My friends who know me know that I am a huge planner and control freak. It can't be helped so I embrace my inner control freak. I plan out everything and when I can't, I imagine in great detail how things will happen. I can see the smile on his face, hear his voice when he tells me how beautiful I am, the way my stomach will be full of butterflies as I drive to the base to pick him up and oh so many other sensations and emotions. The one really down side to all this planning? The let down you deal with when things don't' go as you have imagined it will.
I really have to try and let go of all the expectations and just live in the moment more.